Toxic People

As you know, I have cleaned out many of my friendships my life. There are some that were quite toxic and continue to try to take away my positive energy even as I have pushed their friendship away. How can this happen? Personally I do not understand how or why humans can talk and be nasty. Grant it, there are days that I'm in a bad mood or just don't feel like being around anybody; but I realize it and I treat it with turning it around to positivity. But toxic people really do exist and I don't think they even realize or what to realize how really ugly they are.

Paul Hudson who is a writer for Elite Daily News and philosopher says there are 10 types of toxic people.

1. The Showoffs

Those who feel the need to be showy are always compensating for something and trying to prove their worth to themselves. Unfortunately for them, this is how you know they have little worth. Showing and trying to make other people envious is a waste of time, unless you’re trying to make yourself feel better about yourself at the expense of others. People that do such things are not the kind of people you want to keep around.

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2. The Unintelligent

I’m not talking the kind of dumb that can’t be helped; I’m talking about the kind of dumb that is a result of an immense ego, voluntary ignorance and self-righteousness. Most of us know at least one or two people who are completely unintelligent as a result of continually making bad decisions and not learning from their mistakes for their entire lives.

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3. The Leeches

Growing up, we’ve all had or been that friend who was always a bit broke and always happy to take a handout. When our friends are at a difficult point in their lives, there’s no reason not to help them out or to offer to pay for a few rounds of their drinks so they come out and have fun with the rest of the group. The problem is when the person seems comfortable in the position and is making little to no effort of improving their financial situation.

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4. The Lazy

Laziness is a disease, one that is highly contagious. Lazy people make other people lazy. The more you hang around the immobile, the less you will feel the need to be mobile. The mentally strong are not impervious. Hang around lazy people too often and you’ll notice your productivity and general enjoyment of life plummeting.

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5. Anyone Who Lives By The Saying, “YOLO”

Understanding that you only live once can put your life in perspective. In fact, it should put your life in perspective. Yet, the Biebers, Drakes and Mileys of the world somehow managed to get the message completely backwards. YOLO: Let’s get wasted and high, do stupid sh*t, throw up all over ourselves and possibly die while we’re at it! Yes, YOLO. The whole origin of this saying doesn’t suggest doing pointless, dumb crap. YOLO means you should spend your time doing something meaningful, with a purpose. YOLO: You have once chance; don’t screw it up.

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6. The Big Talkers

Those that spend their time running their mouths spend little time doing anything else. It’s the mentally strong that don’t bother doing the talking because the work they are doing speaks for itself. The talkers, on the other hand, have nothing but the empty words they’re speaking.

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7. The Constantly Depressed

Not those that have an actual chemical imbalance, but those who act like they do. We all know people who are always feeling bad for themselves, always complaining about how difficult their lives are and how unlucky they are. Bad luck is not a lifelong circumstance. If your life sucks, then guess what? It’s mostly, if not entirely, your fault. Don’t keep these folks around unless you want them to bring you down with them.

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8. Those Who Stay Within Their Comfort Zones

If we wish to live a life of adventure, then those who aren’t adventurous need be avoided. All those you meet and come across in your life are partners on your journey, if only for a few seconds. Those we keep around more regularly end up steering our direction more than we realize. If you hope to leave your comfort zone regularly, then don’t hang out with those who aren’t willing to leave theirs. Their chain simply isn’t long enough to go for the ride.

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9. The Non-Dreamers

Those who can’t dream don’t live. Life is about believing that things can be better — not just for you, but for everyone. What makes people human is dreaming and hoping that the change to come will be for the better. Those that don’t dream won’t allow you to dream, either, and will do their best to prove to you that your dreams are just that: dreams.

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10. The Non-Believers

Worse than those who don’t dream are those who dream, but don’t believe that they can turn those dreams into reality. Those who don’t believe in themselves don’t amount to anything in life. They are the losers — those that are always there, but don’t influence the world. They live in a gloomy and depressing world where their lives are out of their hands. They go with the flow and never attempt to achieve any sort of success. Don’t rely on them to support you when you need the support, either. If they don’t believe in themselves, then they sure as hell won’t believe in you.

(source: http://elitedaily.com/life/the-10-types-of-toxic-people-that-mentally-strong-people-avoid/)

I don't know about you but when I'm around these types of people my energy totally gets pulled away from me and I literally feel sick. Even as I have pushed away these people from my life and yet they continue to be toxic, it has the same effect on me. So I must protect myself. As my friend Judith Orloff tells us we need to put A shield around ourselves to keep people from taking our energy away. Do not let anyone take your energy and never let toxic people stay in your life. Your health will fail, your self-confidence will go down the tubes and we deserve better! Allow the people who are like-minded in your life. People who are healthy mentally and physically and who will except you as you and respect you are the ones you need to keep. Clean house now! Create friendships that are positive and will only benefit you!

Cursing is Healthy

I love cursing. I admit I have a mouth like a sailor and I love it. I love it when I hear my friends curse too. Why? It's healthy! In an article from Psychology Today, Dr. Neel Burton tells us the 7 Best Reasons to Swear:

1. Pain relief. Swearing activates the so-called 'fight or flight' response, leading to a surge of adrenaline and a corresponding analgesic effect. Richard Stephens of Keele University in England found that people who swear are able to hold their hands in ice-water for twice as long. However, this only holds for people who swear a few times a day, not for so-called 'chain-swearers'. Presumably chain-swearers are densensitized to their swearing, and so not particularly aroused by it. It remains unclear whether some swear words are more effective than others. But it seems very likely.

2. Power and control. Swearing can give us a greater sense of power and control over a bad situation. By swearing we show, if only to ourselves, that we are not passive victims but empowered to react and fight back. This can boost our confidence and self-esteem, and also provide the impetus for further corrective action to be taken. As Mark Twain put it, 'When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.'

3. Non-violent retribution. Swearing enables us to get back at bad people or situations without having to resort to violence. Instead of punching someone in the face or worse, we channel and disarm our anger by swearing instead. True, swearing can also have hurtful consequences, but better a few sharp words than a sharp dagger. Swearing can also serve as a warning signal or as a marker of rank and authority, a bit like an animal's growl: "Watch out. Stop it. Or you're damn well going to pay the price."

4. Humour. Swearing among friends can be quite hilarious. In such circumstances, it represents a release from normal social constraints or, like play-fighting, makes light of a potentially threatening person or situation.

5. Peer and social bonding. Swearing can serve to show that we belong in a certain group, or that we are able to be ourselves and so wholly comfortable with the members of that group. If done correctly, it can also signal that we are open, honest, self-deprecating, easygoing, and barrel loads of fun.

6. Self-expression. Swearing can be a way of showing that we really mean something or that it is really important to us. That's why swearing is so much a part of any sport. It also broadens our register and makes us more lively and interesting, being used, for example, to add emphasis or 'punch' to our speech.

7. Psychological and physical health. The health benefits of swearing include increased circulation, elevated endorphins, and an overall sense of calm, control, and well-being. The key is to do it sparingly and not to get angry at the same time, which would be very bad for you—as well as terribly vulgar.
(source: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/hide-and-seek/201205/hell-yes-the-7-best-reasons-swearing)

Another article stated people who swear are more trustworthy. Hmmm in research I couldn't find any concrete evidence of this. However, I can say for myself I am very trustworthy and the people around who swear are also trustworthy. It's good to maybe take a scholarly review of this.

The funny thing about swearing, while I love it, I don't like to see it on television. I don't feel children need to see or hear it when they have it at home and at school. George Carlin a long time ago did a bit on the Seven Dirty Words not to say on television. At least 4 out of the 7 are not approved to be used at least once during a program. Is it okay for kids under 12 to hear it? Maybe, after all, it is healthy.

Now let's not go cursing at others. Not cool. But if you hit your finger or do something dumb, cursing is good. We're all adults, let's be smart about it...DAMMIT!

Positive Proactiveness

My daughter Mary is the most unique woman ever. Three weeks ago, Mary lost her job. She got laid off due to the company being bought out. She allowed herself a one hour pity party then turned the opportunity into a positive; or a she says, "Positive Proactiveness." Damn! That's cool. I'm so impressed with her tenacity, positive attitude, and strength. When I was her age and this happened to me, I would be a puddle of mess.

The saying of Positive Proactiveness has stuck with me and I wanted to write about it. As you all know I'm all about being positive and, of course, happy. So the addition of Proactiveness really adds a punch. I went back through all my textbooks and found the book Living The Seven Habits by Stephen Covey. In the 7 Habits, Covey's #1 is Be Proactive. It says,

Being proactive is more than taking initiative. It is accepting responsibility for our own behavior (past, present, and future) and making choices based on principles and values rather than on moods or circumstances. Proactive people are agents of change and choose not to be victims, to be reactive, or to blame others. They do this by developing and using four unique human gifts - self-awareness, conscience, imagination, and independent will - and by taking an Inside-Out Approach to creating change. They resolve to be the creative force in their own lives, which is the most fundamental decision anyone ever makes.

Mary and Covey have it right! In order to be Proactive, you've got to be positive and vice versa. Can you be proactive while being negative? No. There's no way. If you're negative, you hold yourself back from being proactive and you fall. When you're negative, you become stagnant and stay in the same place being unhappy and playing the blame game.

Along with the same thought process, you've got to be happy for all this to work. Yes you can be positive to be proactive but you also need to be happy. You've got three things here: Positive, Proactive, Happy! This is the recipe for a great life.

Being Authentic - Part II

 

Meeting someone living a uniquely crafted life is a breath of fresh air. These people are rare – it takes courage and self-confidence to be who you really are despite reactions from skeptics and attempts to bring you back to conformity and a false exterior. If you’re ready to show to the world the real you, this post might just be the beginning of your journey to authenticity.
 
Here are the 20 things that authentic people do differently:
 
1. They aren't afraid to express their opinions even though those opinions might be different than the opinions of the majority.
2. They never apply advice given without firstly consulting the guide within.
3. They are drive to action by the inner-motor rather than external triggers.
4. They’re proud of their unique traits that make them stand out from the crowd.
5. They have unique daily rituals, like making coffee in a special way or meditating in candlelight before going to bed.
6. They allow their friends and people they meet to show their true selves.
7. They search in conversations for depth, and not for gossip or emotional news.
8.They’re perfectly happy in their own company and they’re great friends with their own selves.
9. They value experiences over things.
10. They make the most out of the situations they find themselves in, be the situation bad or good.
11. They don’t judge others because they look beyond the external facade of words and appearances.
12. They talk less because they conserve energy for wording things that matter.
13. They listen closely because they’re fascinated with exploring the depths of other beings.
14. They don’t complain as they take full responsibility of their lives.
15. They have high self-esteem and appear confident because they have nothing to hide.
16. They don’t get upset when someone obviously dislikes them. They allow others to form whatever opinions they wish to have.
17. They see beauty and perfection in things that other people dismiss.
18. They try to support others and sincerely wish for people to grow and reveal their unlimited selves.
19. They let go of critical and ill-wishing people, although they don’t hold any bad feelings towards them.
20. They see the unity and interconnectedness of all life, and hear the harmonious symphony of the world in all life’s situations.

(source: http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-14009/20-habits-of-highly-authentic-people.html)