Toxic People

As you know, I have cleaned out many of my friendships my life. There are some that were quite toxic and continue to try to take away my positive energy even as I have pushed their friendship away. How can this happen? Personally I do not understand how or why humans can talk and be nasty. Grant it, there are days that I'm in a bad mood or just don't feel like being around anybody; but I realize it and I treat it with turning it around to positivity. But toxic people really do exist and I don't think they even realize or what to realize how really ugly they are.

Paul Hudson who is a writer for Elite Daily News and philosopher says there are 10 types of toxic people.

1. The Showoffs

Those who feel the need to be showy are always compensating for something and trying to prove their worth to themselves. Unfortunately for them, this is how you know they have little worth. Showing and trying to make other people envious is a waste of time, unless you’re trying to make yourself feel better about yourself at the expense of others. People that do such things are not the kind of people you want to keep around.

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2. The Unintelligent

I’m not talking the kind of dumb that can’t be helped; I’m talking about the kind of dumb that is a result of an immense ego, voluntary ignorance and self-righteousness. Most of us know at least one or two people who are completely unintelligent as a result of continually making bad decisions and not learning from their mistakes for their entire lives.

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3. The Leeches

Growing up, we’ve all had or been that friend who was always a bit broke and always happy to take a handout. When our friends are at a difficult point in their lives, there’s no reason not to help them out or to offer to pay for a few rounds of their drinks so they come out and have fun with the rest of the group. The problem is when the person seems comfortable in the position and is making little to no effort of improving their financial situation.

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4. The Lazy

Laziness is a disease, one that is highly contagious. Lazy people make other people lazy. The more you hang around the immobile, the less you will feel the need to be mobile. The mentally strong are not impervious. Hang around lazy people too often and you’ll notice your productivity and general enjoyment of life plummeting.

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5. Anyone Who Lives By The Saying, “YOLO”

Understanding that you only live once can put your life in perspective. In fact, it should put your life in perspective. Yet, the Biebers, Drakes and Mileys of the world somehow managed to get the message completely backwards. YOLO: Let’s get wasted and high, do stupid sh*t, throw up all over ourselves and possibly die while we’re at it! Yes, YOLO. The whole origin of this saying doesn’t suggest doing pointless, dumb crap. YOLO means you should spend your time doing something meaningful, with a purpose. YOLO: You have once chance; don’t screw it up.

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6. The Big Talkers

Those that spend their time running their mouths spend little time doing anything else. It’s the mentally strong that don’t bother doing the talking because the work they are doing speaks for itself. The talkers, on the other hand, have nothing but the empty words they’re speaking.

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7. The Constantly Depressed

Not those that have an actual chemical imbalance, but those who act like they do. We all know people who are always feeling bad for themselves, always complaining about how difficult their lives are and how unlucky they are. Bad luck is not a lifelong circumstance. If your life sucks, then guess what? It’s mostly, if not entirely, your fault. Don’t keep these folks around unless you want them to bring you down with them.

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8. Those Who Stay Within Their Comfort Zones

If we wish to live a life of adventure, then those who aren’t adventurous need be avoided. All those you meet and come across in your life are partners on your journey, if only for a few seconds. Those we keep around more regularly end up steering our direction more than we realize. If you hope to leave your comfort zone regularly, then don’t hang out with those who aren’t willing to leave theirs. Their chain simply isn’t long enough to go for the ride.

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9. The Non-Dreamers

Those who can’t dream don’t live. Life is about believing that things can be better — not just for you, but for everyone. What makes people human is dreaming and hoping that the change to come will be for the better. Those that don’t dream won’t allow you to dream, either, and will do their best to prove to you that your dreams are just that: dreams.

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10. The Non-Believers

Worse than those who don’t dream are those who dream, but don’t believe that they can turn those dreams into reality. Those who don’t believe in themselves don’t amount to anything in life. They are the losers — those that are always there, but don’t influence the world. They live in a gloomy and depressing world where their lives are out of their hands. They go with the flow and never attempt to achieve any sort of success. Don’t rely on them to support you when you need the support, either. If they don’t believe in themselves, then they sure as hell won’t believe in you.

(source: http://elitedaily.com/life/the-10-types-of-toxic-people-that-mentally-strong-people-avoid/)

I don't know about you but when I'm around these types of people my energy totally gets pulled away from me and I literally feel sick. Even as I have pushed away these people from my life and yet they continue to be toxic, it has the same effect on me. So I must protect myself. As my friend Judith Orloff tells us we need to put A shield around ourselves to keep people from taking our energy away. Do not let anyone take your energy and never let toxic people stay in your life. Your health will fail, your self-confidence will go down the tubes and we deserve better! Allow the people who are like-minded in your life. People who are healthy mentally and physically and who will except you as you and respect you are the ones you need to keep. Clean house now! Create friendships that are positive and will only benefit you!

Cursing is Healthy

I love cursing. I admit I have a mouth like a sailor and I love it. I love it when I hear my friends curse too. Why? It's healthy! In an article from Psychology Today, Dr. Neel Burton tells us the 7 Best Reasons to Swear:

1. Pain relief. Swearing activates the so-called 'fight or flight' response, leading to a surge of adrenaline and a corresponding analgesic effect. Richard Stephens of Keele University in England found that people who swear are able to hold their hands in ice-water for twice as long. However, this only holds for people who swear a few times a day, not for so-called 'chain-swearers'. Presumably chain-swearers are densensitized to their swearing, and so not particularly aroused by it. It remains unclear whether some swear words are more effective than others. But it seems very likely.

2. Power and control. Swearing can give us a greater sense of power and control over a bad situation. By swearing we show, if only to ourselves, that we are not passive victims but empowered to react and fight back. This can boost our confidence and self-esteem, and also provide the impetus for further corrective action to be taken. As Mark Twain put it, 'When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.'

3. Non-violent retribution. Swearing enables us to get back at bad people or situations without having to resort to violence. Instead of punching someone in the face or worse, we channel and disarm our anger by swearing instead. True, swearing can also have hurtful consequences, but better a few sharp words than a sharp dagger. Swearing can also serve as a warning signal or as a marker of rank and authority, a bit like an animal's growl: "Watch out. Stop it. Or you're damn well going to pay the price."

4. Humour. Swearing among friends can be quite hilarious. In such circumstances, it represents a release from normal social constraints or, like play-fighting, makes light of a potentially threatening person or situation.

5. Peer and social bonding. Swearing can serve to show that we belong in a certain group, or that we are able to be ourselves and so wholly comfortable with the members of that group. If done correctly, it can also signal that we are open, honest, self-deprecating, easygoing, and barrel loads of fun.

6. Self-expression. Swearing can be a way of showing that we really mean something or that it is really important to us. That's why swearing is so much a part of any sport. It also broadens our register and makes us more lively and interesting, being used, for example, to add emphasis or 'punch' to our speech.

7. Psychological and physical health. The health benefits of swearing include increased circulation, elevated endorphins, and an overall sense of calm, control, and well-being. The key is to do it sparingly and not to get angry at the same time, which would be very bad for you—as well as terribly vulgar.
(source: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/hide-and-seek/201205/hell-yes-the-7-best-reasons-swearing)

Another article stated people who swear are more trustworthy. Hmmm in research I couldn't find any concrete evidence of this. However, I can say for myself I am very trustworthy and the people around who swear are also trustworthy. It's good to maybe take a scholarly review of this.

The funny thing about swearing, while I love it, I don't like to see it on television. I don't feel children need to see or hear it when they have it at home and at school. George Carlin a long time ago did a bit on the Seven Dirty Words not to say on television. At least 4 out of the 7 are not approved to be used at least once during a program. Is it okay for kids under 12 to hear it? Maybe, after all, it is healthy.

Now let's not go cursing at others. Not cool. But if you hit your finger or do something dumb, cursing is good. We're all adults, let's be smart about it...DAMMIT!

Positive Proactiveness

My daughter Mary is the most unique woman ever. Three weeks ago, Mary lost her job. She got laid off due to the company being bought out. She allowed herself a one hour pity party then turned the opportunity into a positive; or a she says, "Positive Proactiveness." Damn! That's cool. I'm so impressed with her tenacity, positive attitude, and strength. When I was her age and this happened to me, I would be a puddle of mess.

The saying of Positive Proactiveness has stuck with me and I wanted to write about it. As you all know I'm all about being positive and, of course, happy. So the addition of Proactiveness really adds a punch. I went back through all my textbooks and found the book Living The Seven Habits by Stephen Covey. In the 7 Habits, Covey's #1 is Be Proactive. It says,

Being proactive is more than taking initiative. It is accepting responsibility for our own behavior (past, present, and future) and making choices based on principles and values rather than on moods or circumstances. Proactive people are agents of change and choose not to be victims, to be reactive, or to blame others. They do this by developing and using four unique human gifts - self-awareness, conscience, imagination, and independent will - and by taking an Inside-Out Approach to creating change. They resolve to be the creative force in their own lives, which is the most fundamental decision anyone ever makes.

Mary and Covey have it right! In order to be Proactive, you've got to be positive and vice versa. Can you be proactive while being negative? No. There's no way. If you're negative, you hold yourself back from being proactive and you fall. When you're negative, you become stagnant and stay in the same place being unhappy and playing the blame game.

Along with the same thought process, you've got to be happy for all this to work. Yes you can be positive to be proactive but you also need to be happy. You've got three things here: Positive, Proactive, Happy! This is the recipe for a great life.

Being Authentic - Part II

 

Meeting someone living a uniquely crafted life is a breath of fresh air. These people are rare – it takes courage and self-confidence to be who you really are despite reactions from skeptics and attempts to bring you back to conformity and a false exterior. If you’re ready to show to the world the real you, this post might just be the beginning of your journey to authenticity.
 
Here are the 20 things that authentic people do differently:
 
1. They aren't afraid to express their opinions even though those opinions might be different than the opinions of the majority.
2. They never apply advice given without firstly consulting the guide within.
3. They are drive to action by the inner-motor rather than external triggers.
4. They’re proud of their unique traits that make them stand out from the crowd.
5. They have unique daily rituals, like making coffee in a special way or meditating in candlelight before going to bed.
6. They allow their friends and people they meet to show their true selves.
7. They search in conversations for depth, and not for gossip or emotional news.
8.They’re perfectly happy in their own company and they’re great friends with their own selves.
9. They value experiences over things.
10. They make the most out of the situations they find themselves in, be the situation bad or good.
11. They don’t judge others because they look beyond the external facade of words and appearances.
12. They talk less because they conserve energy for wording things that matter.
13. They listen closely because they’re fascinated with exploring the depths of other beings.
14. They don’t complain as they take full responsibility of their lives.
15. They have high self-esteem and appear confident because they have nothing to hide.
16. They don’t get upset when someone obviously dislikes them. They allow others to form whatever opinions they wish to have.
17. They see beauty and perfection in things that other people dismiss.
18. They try to support others and sincerely wish for people to grow and reveal their unlimited selves.
19. They let go of critical and ill-wishing people, although they don’t hold any bad feelings towards them.
20. They see the unity and interconnectedness of all life, and hear the harmonious symphony of the world in all life’s situations.

(source: http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-14009/20-habits-of-highly-authentic-people.html)

Law of Attraction

As I've said in my past few postings, it's been a tough few weeks. Every since I let go of what was keeping me down, I've felt so light and full of gratitude. Today is different; today I feel one with the universe. Let me describe the feeling. Each step I take seems to be grounded and and connected energy wise with the earth; my belly feels like it is full of sunshine which is emanating from my legs, arms, and creating happiness within; my heart is full of love, compassion, and gratitude and my mind is clear. What an amazing feeling!

I accredit this to a simple rule: The Laws of Attraction. The law of attraction is simple: we attract what we think about, good or bad. Because I let go of what was dragging me down, I'm attracting goodness from the universe. Ok, this might sound totally crazy but it works. Ever since I read The Secret, it changed my life.  The universe is an abundance of goodness to have from the universe; all you have to do is ask for it. You can ask for it daily and it can manifest. It might take days, weeks, or even years, but it happens. I'm getting ahead of myself...sorry. So let's look at the Laws of Attraction:

1. You attract good and bad experiences based on your thoughts.  I've said this before, you think positive, good things happen. If you think negative bad things happen. Lately I have a friend who had a bad streak of luck. She's been thinking negatively daily. I told her to think of one positive thing about her life and keep that thought throughout the day. She did and good things started happening. My daughter got laid off but she refuses to be negative about it. Focusing on the positives she has had interviews and is doing great things. She'll have a job soon. I know it.

2. Thinking about something means you invite it. So if you want money, think about it, it'll happen. When I started using the Laws of Attraction I was getting tons and tons of bills in the mail. After I put it out there I didn't want anymore bills in the mail, it stopped. Think positive thoughts and positive things happen. Manifest them.

3. The more you focus on something, the more powerful it becomes. There are things I've been manifesting for two years. I can feel them becoming stronger. It'll happen.

4. It's better to trust your emotions than over think a decision.  This goes back to what my friend Deborah tells me, "Go with your gut." When you go with your gut, it is the right decision. Don't base your decisions on thinking because it can be wrong. Taking a job because the money is good doesn't mean it's the right one.

5. You can me good things happen more if you think of them often. In the book, The Secret, they tell you to create a Vision Board. I did this and it was so much fun. I look at my vision board every day and ponder upon the goodness it will bring me.

6. To make a change, you've got to see things as you want them to be, not as they are. Stephen Covey says, "Begin with an end in mind." So if you want the perfect job, think about what it would be, see yourself in that job (constantly), and it'll happen.

7. You can increase your magnetic power by devoting time to powerful thinking each day. I meditate twice a day to not only calm my mind by increase my magnetic power to the earth. By thinking of your goals and keeping them in the forefront of your mind, good things happen.

8. Success isn't a finite resource; everyone can have it. By attracting abundance to yourself, you can have the success that others have too.

9. Don't allow yourself to wallow in disappointment. Ok, have your moment, but let it go! If you allow it to last a long time, you'll never get anyway. Never feel sorry for yourself; see the opportunity. I used to wallow in self pity because of being sick. Once I changed the way I think, I started feeling better, and I've not been sick for four years.

10. Avoid television shows which deal with negative experiences and illness. This not only causes stress but can really interfere with your goodness and happiness. I don't watch anything which I know will make me feel sad, angry, depressed, etc.

11. Know when your relationship with people are bad because you made them that way. Again, if you feel like crap, you attract crap. When I was really sick I became friends which someone who was extremely detrimental. She was nasty and even made me feel worse than I was. Once I started making the change, I sent her love and light and let her go. Attract people who you want, who are like you, and embrace their friendship.

12. Don't worry about what you're dreaming; instead use your dreams as a guide. Yes we have bad dreams but don't use them as an omen but as a guide to what can happen if you don't change.

(source: http://www.businessinsider.com/how-the-law-of-attraction-will-improve-your-life-2012-7?op=1)

Here are some books to help you be your very best and manifest greatness.

The Secret by Rhonda Byrne - http://thesecret.tv/index.html

The Law of Attraction: The Basic Teachings of Abraham by Esther Hicks - http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1401917593/ref%3Das_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=thebusiinsi-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=1401917593

Living Authentically

When I was younger I tried to be everything everyone expected out of me; the good daughter, wife, mom, employee, Airman. While doing all this, somehow I lost who I was. This all changed when I met my husband. Being with him made me realize I needed to be the person who I truly am; my authentic self. Some of us really never get to know who our authentic selves are. But today, I can say I am the person I am by getting back to finding me.

After Bob and I got married (I was 40) we created a great life for ourselves and my daughter. Bob's kids were grown and gone and my daughter was 12. She grew up, graduated high school and college. I really thought I had my authentic self all together; I was wrong. She moved home from college and got a job two hours away, got an apartment, and moved away. I was totally lost...AGAIN! I felt like I completely lost my identity of who I was; back to the drawing board. So my journey began. I liked who I was but I realized I lost the identity of being a mom or the definition of being a mom. So the question I asked myself was simple: Do we need to be defined? No. We don't. Somehow in our society it seems we have to be defined by something; I realize now we, as humans, do not need to be defined by anything. By living authentically we are living by who we are (the soul) and not by definition (ego).

So what is living authentically? First we need to define the word "authentic" within a humanistic context. Diane Mottl, MSW defines the word "authentic" as,

Being authentic means coming from a real place within. It is when our actions and words are congruent with our beliefs and values. It is being ourselves, not an imitation of what we think we should be or have been told we should be. There is no “should” in authentic.

Being authentic is more than being real; it is finding what is real. And what is real for me will be quite different than what is real for you. There is no value attached: it simply is what it is for each of us.

Alright then! I need to find what is real for me with no value attached. My journey led me to so many different areas which I learned from.  Once I started realizing the things in life which made me happy I became more in tune with my soul...the true me. I find by living by my own way I am truly happier!

Here are some tips which may bring you closer to living authenthic:

1. Remind yourself why you love this thing or feel this way.  When I sit down to read a good book, bake, do yoga, sew, etc. I think about what is is I love about doing this. Lately, my husband and I have been re-doing our garden. I used to hate gardening and now I realize I really love it. I love the feel of getting into the dirt and creating life. The feeling I get is of oneness with the earth and I feel whole.

2. Think of people who rub you the wrong way and mentally wish them well. This one can be a little tough, but do-able. Sending unconditional love to the people who cause you sadness, anger, and suffering is the greatest release ever! When you do this, those feelings don't have a hold of your soul and you suddenly become lighter.

3. Mentally push your anxieties out the door. I was doing this exact thing this morning! By meditating, talking to God or the universe, your getting rid of those things which make you anxious! Then I sit back and wonder why I got myself so worked up in the first place! We judge ourselves and others (ego) when we need to give it up. By realizing what makes you anxious you just stop doing it. For example: I don't like fireworks because it reminds me of when I was being shot at. So I don't go to fireworks.

4. Surround yourself with people who like you for who you are. This was easy for me. I had so many people in my life who just weren't good for me in some way, shape, or form. Ditch them. If friendships are acquaintances are causing you stress and sadness, it's not worth it. Like I've said before friendships are like toys, we grow out of them. The people in my life, right now, are here because they love me for me and they don't try to change me. I can go to them for advice as they can with me. We are all kindred spirits.

5. Remember the power of authenticity.
Your foundation must be built on the core of who you truly, definitely are. Be bold enough to tell us what makes you tick. When you consistently show up bathed in authenticity, you make it easier on us. We know where to find you. You build trust. And you’d be surprised how many of us do want to support and celebrate your ambitions.

(source: http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-13701/5-ways-to-start-living-an-authentic-life-today.html) 

More than ever, we need to live for ourselves. It isn't a selfish act either. By doing this, becoming authentic, we become compassionate to ourselves, our families, our friends, and coworkers. We become more confident in our abilities and we live with grace.

Letting Go

I'll admit, there are times when things happens I can't control, I get upset.  It bothers me when I know I am doing the right thing but things aren't going in the right direction. I want to chew on it like gum for a very long time. But I can't; I have to let it go and give it to the universe to fix.

 This "letting go" process can be hard but doing it really relieves a boat load of stress on you. We tend to relive it over and over again. Why do we do this to ourselves? Simple, we don't want to let it go. We want to stay in a constant anger or hurt to beat ourselves up. Stop it! Let's look at how we can let things go of anger and hurt.

1. Replace a negative thought with an awesome one! 

More often than not, it’s a negative thought derived from a bad memory that makes me upset, instantly.
As stated, this is where you should replace the bad thought with an awesome thought.
Don’t even approach the bad thought.
Don’t try to rationalize it.
Don’t even think about it.
The way I see it, any of the above is a passive reaction to the negative thought, hence making you feel the negative feelings that follow, which isn’t helping you at all.
So, replace the negative thought on the spot.
Just think of something you like. It could be a fond memory in the past or something you really want in the future.
I personally like to go crazy with my imagination and come up with amazing scenarios, like when I’m listening to a song I like, I imagine myself singing it in my own music video.
Sometimes distraction is a good approach, if it’s something you’ve already dealt with but keep rehashing in your head. Watch TV, listen to music, read something, or just go out. It helps.

2. Let it all out in cliché manners.

You know something?
The clichés work.
Every tip you can find in blogs, magazines, or the newspaper work.
You just have to apply yourself and try it out.
Screaming onto your pillow actually makes you feel like you released a ton of emotions that are trying to get out.
Writing an angry letter to the person you bear a grudge against allows you to clearly articulate your feelings. Just make sure you don’t send it.
Exercising really helps with anger too. Sweating it out and letting the adrenaline take over your body can clear just about anything.
I know how it is when you feel angry and then listen to advice that you doubt will help your situation. It feels like nobody out there can fully empathize with how you feel, so who are they to talk, right?
I can empathize, and I promise that if you give it a shot, you’ll be surprised with the results.

3. Surround yourself with positive people.

Anger is a personal issue for everyone.
But unfortunately, some people around you cannot fully understand what you go through.
I find that most people feel angry because of their surroundings.
You hang out with supposed friends who make condescending remarks at you, but you don’t think you should do anything about because you don’t want to come across as petty.
You have a really dysfunctional office environment, filled with shady colleagues and a controlling boss.
Do these things sound familiar to you?
The problem is, people think they are “stuck” or they absolutely “must” be with such people because of their circumstances.
I say otherwise.
Make the conscious effort to surround yourself with people you can look up to and talk to. It won’t always be easy—if you need to look for a new job, for example—but it’s worth the time and effort.
Our surroundings influence our mood in a major way. So instead of focusing solely on addressing your inner anger, also address the external factors that trigger it.

4. Make caring for yourself a priority.

I used to be a lot angrier before my dad’s passing.
Sounds contradictory? Continue reading.
You see, as I grew up, I always did the “right thing.”
I never talked back to people who insulted me to my face. I walked away from fights. I held back a lot of my emotions.
But as a result of doing all the “right” things, I went home feeling angry with myself.
When my father died, it just hit me there and then, “I did so much for people around me, and yet this still happened.”
My biggest takeaway from my father’s death was that you have to live life to the fullest, and sometimes, if not all the time, it’s okay to take care of yourself more than anything in this world.
I’ve fallen out with friends who kept insulting me.
I now actively make the choices that suit me, even if others disagree. (For example, I may not even go to a gathering when I know someone I dislike is there.)
I even quit my job to be a full-time blogger, much to the surprise of my friends.
Caring for myself more has allowed me to truly express myself and not hold back any longer. The anger has subsided a lot as I don’t have to look back and ask, “What if?”
Your life is your own. And life is short.
If you feel anger taking control, let it go by caring for yourself. Don’t be afraid to be yourself. It is by being yourself that you can fully realize the life you’re meant to live, and anger has no part in that.

5. Decide you don’t want to add to the hate in this world.

When I feel angry sometimes I have crazy ideas of seeking justice, of finding my wrongdoers and letting them have it once and for all.
But I don’t act on it because I don’t want to add on to the crap in this world.
Let it go, not just for a better future, but also because you’re a good person. And a good person isn’t angry most of the time. Instead, he sees beauty in the world and strives for a positive life, in which others around him can be inspired too.
Choose to let go of your anger so you can be that person.
There are many other positive emotions you can enjoy when you make the effort to let go of your anger.

(source: http://tinybuddha.com/blog/5-steps-to-let-go-of-anger-for-a-happier-life/) 

When I need to let something go, I meditate and give it to the universe. I know everyone doesn't do that and that's ok, but you have to figure out your way of letting go. My friend gives her anger and grief to God so he (or she) takes care of it. It works for her. Grant it, there are some things which are hard to let go of because they've hurt too much. You've got to forgive. When you let go of anger and hurt and forgive, your health improves and you're happier (and you know it's all about being happy). When you let go and forgive you also lower your blood pressure, decrease anxiety, fewer symptoms of depressions and more (http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/adult-health/in-depth/forgiveness/art-20047692)!

So do it! Let go of that anger and hurt. There is something about that Disney song which is constantly in my head. She sings about all the pressures of life coming down on her and letting go of it and just allowing the universe to take care of her. It really is powerful.