After Bob and I got married (I was 40) we created a great life for ourselves and my daughter. Bob's kids were grown and gone and my daughter was 12. She grew up, graduated high school and college. I really thought I had my authentic self all together; I was wrong. She moved home from college and got a job two hours away, got an apartment, and moved away. I was totally lost...AGAIN! I felt like I completely lost my identity of who I was; back to the drawing board. So my journey began. I liked who I was but I realized I lost the identity of being a mom or the definition of being a mom. So the question I asked myself was simple: Do we need to be defined? No. We don't. Somehow in our society it seems we have to be defined by something; I realize now we, as humans, do not need to be defined by anything. By living authentically we are living by who we are (the soul) and not by definition (ego).
So what is living authentically? First we need to define the word "authentic" within a humanistic context. Diane Mottl, MSW defines the word "authentic" as,
Being authentic means coming from a real place within. It is when our actions and words are congruent with our beliefs and values. It is being ourselves, not an imitation of what we think we should be or have been told we should be. There is no “should” in authentic.
Being authentic is more than being real; it is finding what is real. And what is real for me will be quite different than what is real for you. There is no value attached: it simply is what it is for each of us.
Alright then! I need to find what is real for me with no value attached. My journey led me to so many different areas which I learned from. Once I started realizing the things in life which made me happy I became more in tune with my soul...the true me. I find by living by my own way I am truly happier!
Here are some tips which may bring you closer to living authenthic:
1. Remind yourself why you love this thing or feel this way. When I sit down to read a good book, bake, do yoga, sew, etc. I think about what is is I love about doing this. Lately, my husband and I have been re-doing our garden. I used to hate gardening and now I realize I really love it. I love the feel of getting into the dirt and creating life. The feeling I get is of oneness with the earth and I feel whole.
2. Think of people who rub you the wrong way and mentally wish them well. This one can be a little tough, but do-able. Sending unconditional love to the people who cause you sadness, anger, and suffering is the greatest release ever! When you do this, those feelings don't have a hold of your soul and you suddenly become lighter.
3. Mentally push your anxieties out the door. I was doing this exact thing this morning! By meditating, talking to God or the universe, your getting rid of those things which make you anxious! Then I sit back and wonder why I got myself so worked up in the first place! We judge ourselves and others (ego) when we need to give it up. By realizing what makes you anxious you just stop doing it. For example: I don't like fireworks because it reminds me of when I was being shot at. So I don't go to fireworks.
4. Surround yourself with people who like you for who you are. This was easy for me. I had so many people in my life who just weren't good for me in some way, shape, or form. Ditch them. If friendships are acquaintances are causing you stress and sadness, it's not worth it. Like I've said before friendships are like toys, we grow out of them. The people in my life, right now, are here because they love me for me and they don't try to change me. I can go to them for advice as they can with me. We are all kindred spirits.
5. Remember the power of authenticity.
Your foundation must be built on the core of who you truly, definitely are. Be bold enough to tell us what makes you tick. When you consistently show up bathed in authenticity, you make it easier on us. We know where to find you. You build trust. And you’d be surprised how many of us do want to support and celebrate your ambitions.
(source: http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-13701/5-ways-to-start-living-an-authentic-life-today.html)
More than ever, we need to live for ourselves. It isn't a selfish act either. By doing this, becoming authentic, we become compassionate to ourselves, our families, our friends, and coworkers. We become more confident in our abilities and we live with grace.
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