Toxic People

As you know, I have cleaned out many of my friendships my life. There are some that were quite toxic and continue to try to take away my positive energy even as I have pushed their friendship away. How can this happen? Personally I do not understand how or why humans can talk and be nasty. Grant it, there are days that I'm in a bad mood or just don't feel like being around anybody; but I realize it and I treat it with turning it around to positivity. But toxic people really do exist and I don't think they even realize or what to realize how really ugly they are.

Paul Hudson who is a writer for Elite Daily News and philosopher says there are 10 types of toxic people.

1. The Showoffs

Those who feel the need to be showy are always compensating for something and trying to prove their worth to themselves. Unfortunately for them, this is how you know they have little worth. Showing and trying to make other people envious is a waste of time, unless you’re trying to make yourself feel better about yourself at the expense of others. People that do such things are not the kind of people you want to keep around.

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2. The Unintelligent

I’m not talking the kind of dumb that can’t be helped; I’m talking about the kind of dumb that is a result of an immense ego, voluntary ignorance and self-righteousness. Most of us know at least one or two people who are completely unintelligent as a result of continually making bad decisions and not learning from their mistakes for their entire lives.

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3. The Leeches

Growing up, we’ve all had or been that friend who was always a bit broke and always happy to take a handout. When our friends are at a difficult point in their lives, there’s no reason not to help them out or to offer to pay for a few rounds of their drinks so they come out and have fun with the rest of the group. The problem is when the person seems comfortable in the position and is making little to no effort of improving their financial situation.

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4. The Lazy

Laziness is a disease, one that is highly contagious. Lazy people make other people lazy. The more you hang around the immobile, the less you will feel the need to be mobile. The mentally strong are not impervious. Hang around lazy people too often and you’ll notice your productivity and general enjoyment of life plummeting.

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5. Anyone Who Lives By The Saying, “YOLO”

Understanding that you only live once can put your life in perspective. In fact, it should put your life in perspective. Yet, the Biebers, Drakes and Mileys of the world somehow managed to get the message completely backwards. YOLO: Let’s get wasted and high, do stupid sh*t, throw up all over ourselves and possibly die while we’re at it! Yes, YOLO. The whole origin of this saying doesn’t suggest doing pointless, dumb crap. YOLO means you should spend your time doing something meaningful, with a purpose. YOLO: You have once chance; don’t screw it up.

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6. The Big Talkers

Those that spend their time running their mouths spend little time doing anything else. It’s the mentally strong that don’t bother doing the talking because the work they are doing speaks for itself. The talkers, on the other hand, have nothing but the empty words they’re speaking.

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7. The Constantly Depressed

Not those that have an actual chemical imbalance, but those who act like they do. We all know people who are always feeling bad for themselves, always complaining about how difficult their lives are and how unlucky they are. Bad luck is not a lifelong circumstance. If your life sucks, then guess what? It’s mostly, if not entirely, your fault. Don’t keep these folks around unless you want them to bring you down with them.

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8. Those Who Stay Within Their Comfort Zones

If we wish to live a life of adventure, then those who aren’t adventurous need be avoided. All those you meet and come across in your life are partners on your journey, if only for a few seconds. Those we keep around more regularly end up steering our direction more than we realize. If you hope to leave your comfort zone regularly, then don’t hang out with those who aren’t willing to leave theirs. Their chain simply isn’t long enough to go for the ride.

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9. The Non-Dreamers

Those who can’t dream don’t live. Life is about believing that things can be better — not just for you, but for everyone. What makes people human is dreaming and hoping that the change to come will be for the better. Those that don’t dream won’t allow you to dream, either, and will do their best to prove to you that your dreams are just that: dreams.

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10. The Non-Believers

Worse than those who don’t dream are those who dream, but don’t believe that they can turn those dreams into reality. Those who don’t believe in themselves don’t amount to anything in life. They are the losers — those that are always there, but don’t influence the world. They live in a gloomy and depressing world where their lives are out of their hands. They go with the flow and never attempt to achieve any sort of success. Don’t rely on them to support you when you need the support, either. If they don’t believe in themselves, then they sure as hell won’t believe in you.

(source: http://elitedaily.com/life/the-10-types-of-toxic-people-that-mentally-strong-people-avoid/)

I don't know about you but when I'm around these types of people my energy totally gets pulled away from me and I literally feel sick. Even as I have pushed away these people from my life and yet they continue to be toxic, it has the same effect on me. So I must protect myself. As my friend Judith Orloff tells us we need to put A shield around ourselves to keep people from taking our energy away. Do not let anyone take your energy and never let toxic people stay in your life. Your health will fail, your self-confidence will go down the tubes and we deserve better! Allow the people who are like-minded in your life. People who are healthy mentally and physically and who will except you as you and respect you are the ones you need to keep. Clean house now! Create friendships that are positive and will only benefit you!

Cursing is Healthy

I love cursing. I admit I have a mouth like a sailor and I love it. I love it when I hear my friends curse too. Why? It's healthy! In an article from Psychology Today, Dr. Neel Burton tells us the 7 Best Reasons to Swear:

1. Pain relief. Swearing activates the so-called 'fight or flight' response, leading to a surge of adrenaline and a corresponding analgesic effect. Richard Stephens of Keele University in England found that people who swear are able to hold their hands in ice-water for twice as long. However, this only holds for people who swear a few times a day, not for so-called 'chain-swearers'. Presumably chain-swearers are densensitized to their swearing, and so not particularly aroused by it. It remains unclear whether some swear words are more effective than others. But it seems very likely.

2. Power and control. Swearing can give us a greater sense of power and control over a bad situation. By swearing we show, if only to ourselves, that we are not passive victims but empowered to react and fight back. This can boost our confidence and self-esteem, and also provide the impetus for further corrective action to be taken. As Mark Twain put it, 'When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.'

3. Non-violent retribution. Swearing enables us to get back at bad people or situations without having to resort to violence. Instead of punching someone in the face or worse, we channel and disarm our anger by swearing instead. True, swearing can also have hurtful consequences, but better a few sharp words than a sharp dagger. Swearing can also serve as a warning signal or as a marker of rank and authority, a bit like an animal's growl: "Watch out. Stop it. Or you're damn well going to pay the price."

4. Humour. Swearing among friends can be quite hilarious. In such circumstances, it represents a release from normal social constraints or, like play-fighting, makes light of a potentially threatening person or situation.

5. Peer and social bonding. Swearing can serve to show that we belong in a certain group, or that we are able to be ourselves and so wholly comfortable with the members of that group. If done correctly, it can also signal that we are open, honest, self-deprecating, easygoing, and barrel loads of fun.

6. Self-expression. Swearing can be a way of showing that we really mean something or that it is really important to us. That's why swearing is so much a part of any sport. It also broadens our register and makes us more lively and interesting, being used, for example, to add emphasis or 'punch' to our speech.

7. Psychological and physical health. The health benefits of swearing include increased circulation, elevated endorphins, and an overall sense of calm, control, and well-being. The key is to do it sparingly and not to get angry at the same time, which would be very bad for you—as well as terribly vulgar.
(source: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/hide-and-seek/201205/hell-yes-the-7-best-reasons-swearing)

Another article stated people who swear are more trustworthy. Hmmm in research I couldn't find any concrete evidence of this. However, I can say for myself I am very trustworthy and the people around who swear are also trustworthy. It's good to maybe take a scholarly review of this.

The funny thing about swearing, while I love it, I don't like to see it on television. I don't feel children need to see or hear it when they have it at home and at school. George Carlin a long time ago did a bit on the Seven Dirty Words not to say on television. At least 4 out of the 7 are not approved to be used at least once during a program. Is it okay for kids under 12 to hear it? Maybe, after all, it is healthy.

Now let's not go cursing at others. Not cool. But if you hit your finger or do something dumb, cursing is good. We're all adults, let's be smart about it...DAMMIT!

Positive Proactiveness

My daughter Mary is the most unique woman ever. Three weeks ago, Mary lost her job. She got laid off due to the company being bought out. She allowed herself a one hour pity party then turned the opportunity into a positive; or a she says, "Positive Proactiveness." Damn! That's cool. I'm so impressed with her tenacity, positive attitude, and strength. When I was her age and this happened to me, I would be a puddle of mess.

The saying of Positive Proactiveness has stuck with me and I wanted to write about it. As you all know I'm all about being positive and, of course, happy. So the addition of Proactiveness really adds a punch. I went back through all my textbooks and found the book Living The Seven Habits by Stephen Covey. In the 7 Habits, Covey's #1 is Be Proactive. It says,

Being proactive is more than taking initiative. It is accepting responsibility for our own behavior (past, present, and future) and making choices based on principles and values rather than on moods or circumstances. Proactive people are agents of change and choose not to be victims, to be reactive, or to blame others. They do this by developing and using four unique human gifts - self-awareness, conscience, imagination, and independent will - and by taking an Inside-Out Approach to creating change. They resolve to be the creative force in their own lives, which is the most fundamental decision anyone ever makes.

Mary and Covey have it right! In order to be Proactive, you've got to be positive and vice versa. Can you be proactive while being negative? No. There's no way. If you're negative, you hold yourself back from being proactive and you fall. When you're negative, you become stagnant and stay in the same place being unhappy and playing the blame game.

Along with the same thought process, you've got to be happy for all this to work. Yes you can be positive to be proactive but you also need to be happy. You've got three things here: Positive, Proactive, Happy! This is the recipe for a great life.

Being Authentic - Part II

 

Meeting someone living a uniquely crafted life is a breath of fresh air. These people are rare – it takes courage and self-confidence to be who you really are despite reactions from skeptics and attempts to bring you back to conformity and a false exterior. If you’re ready to show to the world the real you, this post might just be the beginning of your journey to authenticity.
 
Here are the 20 things that authentic people do differently:
 
1. They aren't afraid to express their opinions even though those opinions might be different than the opinions of the majority.
2. They never apply advice given without firstly consulting the guide within.
3. They are drive to action by the inner-motor rather than external triggers.
4. They’re proud of their unique traits that make them stand out from the crowd.
5. They have unique daily rituals, like making coffee in a special way or meditating in candlelight before going to bed.
6. They allow their friends and people they meet to show their true selves.
7. They search in conversations for depth, and not for gossip or emotional news.
8.They’re perfectly happy in their own company and they’re great friends with their own selves.
9. They value experiences over things.
10. They make the most out of the situations they find themselves in, be the situation bad or good.
11. They don’t judge others because they look beyond the external facade of words and appearances.
12. They talk less because they conserve energy for wording things that matter.
13. They listen closely because they’re fascinated with exploring the depths of other beings.
14. They don’t complain as they take full responsibility of their lives.
15. They have high self-esteem and appear confident because they have nothing to hide.
16. They don’t get upset when someone obviously dislikes them. They allow others to form whatever opinions they wish to have.
17. They see beauty and perfection in things that other people dismiss.
18. They try to support others and sincerely wish for people to grow and reveal their unlimited selves.
19. They let go of critical and ill-wishing people, although they don’t hold any bad feelings towards them.
20. They see the unity and interconnectedness of all life, and hear the harmonious symphony of the world in all life’s situations.

(source: http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-14009/20-habits-of-highly-authentic-people.html)

Law of Attraction

As I've said in my past few postings, it's been a tough few weeks. Every since I let go of what was keeping me down, I've felt so light and full of gratitude. Today is different; today I feel one with the universe. Let me describe the feeling. Each step I take seems to be grounded and and connected energy wise with the earth; my belly feels like it is full of sunshine which is emanating from my legs, arms, and creating happiness within; my heart is full of love, compassion, and gratitude and my mind is clear. What an amazing feeling!

I accredit this to a simple rule: The Laws of Attraction. The law of attraction is simple: we attract what we think about, good or bad. Because I let go of what was dragging me down, I'm attracting goodness from the universe. Ok, this might sound totally crazy but it works. Ever since I read The Secret, it changed my life.  The universe is an abundance of goodness to have from the universe; all you have to do is ask for it. You can ask for it daily and it can manifest. It might take days, weeks, or even years, but it happens. I'm getting ahead of myself...sorry. So let's look at the Laws of Attraction:

1. You attract good and bad experiences based on your thoughts.  I've said this before, you think positive, good things happen. If you think negative bad things happen. Lately I have a friend who had a bad streak of luck. She's been thinking negatively daily. I told her to think of one positive thing about her life and keep that thought throughout the day. She did and good things started happening. My daughter got laid off but she refuses to be negative about it. Focusing on the positives she has had interviews and is doing great things. She'll have a job soon. I know it.

2. Thinking about something means you invite it. So if you want money, think about it, it'll happen. When I started using the Laws of Attraction I was getting tons and tons of bills in the mail. After I put it out there I didn't want anymore bills in the mail, it stopped. Think positive thoughts and positive things happen. Manifest them.

3. The more you focus on something, the more powerful it becomes. There are things I've been manifesting for two years. I can feel them becoming stronger. It'll happen.

4. It's better to trust your emotions than over think a decision.  This goes back to what my friend Deborah tells me, "Go with your gut." When you go with your gut, it is the right decision. Don't base your decisions on thinking because it can be wrong. Taking a job because the money is good doesn't mean it's the right one.

5. You can me good things happen more if you think of them often. In the book, The Secret, they tell you to create a Vision Board. I did this and it was so much fun. I look at my vision board every day and ponder upon the goodness it will bring me.

6. To make a change, you've got to see things as you want them to be, not as they are. Stephen Covey says, "Begin with an end in mind." So if you want the perfect job, think about what it would be, see yourself in that job (constantly), and it'll happen.

7. You can increase your magnetic power by devoting time to powerful thinking each day. I meditate twice a day to not only calm my mind by increase my magnetic power to the earth. By thinking of your goals and keeping them in the forefront of your mind, good things happen.

8. Success isn't a finite resource; everyone can have it. By attracting abundance to yourself, you can have the success that others have too.

9. Don't allow yourself to wallow in disappointment. Ok, have your moment, but let it go! If you allow it to last a long time, you'll never get anyway. Never feel sorry for yourself; see the opportunity. I used to wallow in self pity because of being sick. Once I changed the way I think, I started feeling better, and I've not been sick for four years.

10. Avoid television shows which deal with negative experiences and illness. This not only causes stress but can really interfere with your goodness and happiness. I don't watch anything which I know will make me feel sad, angry, depressed, etc.

11. Know when your relationship with people are bad because you made them that way. Again, if you feel like crap, you attract crap. When I was really sick I became friends which someone who was extremely detrimental. She was nasty and even made me feel worse than I was. Once I started making the change, I sent her love and light and let her go. Attract people who you want, who are like you, and embrace their friendship.

12. Don't worry about what you're dreaming; instead use your dreams as a guide. Yes we have bad dreams but don't use them as an omen but as a guide to what can happen if you don't change.

(source: http://www.businessinsider.com/how-the-law-of-attraction-will-improve-your-life-2012-7?op=1)

Here are some books to help you be your very best and manifest greatness.

The Secret by Rhonda Byrne - http://thesecret.tv/index.html

The Law of Attraction: The Basic Teachings of Abraham by Esther Hicks - http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1401917593/ref%3Das_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=thebusiinsi-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=1401917593

Living Authentically

When I was younger I tried to be everything everyone expected out of me; the good daughter, wife, mom, employee, Airman. While doing all this, somehow I lost who I was. This all changed when I met my husband. Being with him made me realize I needed to be the person who I truly am; my authentic self. Some of us really never get to know who our authentic selves are. But today, I can say I am the person I am by getting back to finding me.

After Bob and I got married (I was 40) we created a great life for ourselves and my daughter. Bob's kids were grown and gone and my daughter was 12. She grew up, graduated high school and college. I really thought I had my authentic self all together; I was wrong. She moved home from college and got a job two hours away, got an apartment, and moved away. I was totally lost...AGAIN! I felt like I completely lost my identity of who I was; back to the drawing board. So my journey began. I liked who I was but I realized I lost the identity of being a mom or the definition of being a mom. So the question I asked myself was simple: Do we need to be defined? No. We don't. Somehow in our society it seems we have to be defined by something; I realize now we, as humans, do not need to be defined by anything. By living authentically we are living by who we are (the soul) and not by definition (ego).

So what is living authentically? First we need to define the word "authentic" within a humanistic context. Diane Mottl, MSW defines the word "authentic" as,

Being authentic means coming from a real place within. It is when our actions and words are congruent with our beliefs and values. It is being ourselves, not an imitation of what we think we should be or have been told we should be. There is no “should” in authentic.

Being authentic is more than being real; it is finding what is real. And what is real for me will be quite different than what is real for you. There is no value attached: it simply is what it is for each of us.

Alright then! I need to find what is real for me with no value attached. My journey led me to so many different areas which I learned from.  Once I started realizing the things in life which made me happy I became more in tune with my soul...the true me. I find by living by my own way I am truly happier!

Here are some tips which may bring you closer to living authenthic:

1. Remind yourself why you love this thing or feel this way.  When I sit down to read a good book, bake, do yoga, sew, etc. I think about what is is I love about doing this. Lately, my husband and I have been re-doing our garden. I used to hate gardening and now I realize I really love it. I love the feel of getting into the dirt and creating life. The feeling I get is of oneness with the earth and I feel whole.

2. Think of people who rub you the wrong way and mentally wish them well. This one can be a little tough, but do-able. Sending unconditional love to the people who cause you sadness, anger, and suffering is the greatest release ever! When you do this, those feelings don't have a hold of your soul and you suddenly become lighter.

3. Mentally push your anxieties out the door. I was doing this exact thing this morning! By meditating, talking to God or the universe, your getting rid of those things which make you anxious! Then I sit back and wonder why I got myself so worked up in the first place! We judge ourselves and others (ego) when we need to give it up. By realizing what makes you anxious you just stop doing it. For example: I don't like fireworks because it reminds me of when I was being shot at. So I don't go to fireworks.

4. Surround yourself with people who like you for who you are. This was easy for me. I had so many people in my life who just weren't good for me in some way, shape, or form. Ditch them. If friendships are acquaintances are causing you stress and sadness, it's not worth it. Like I've said before friendships are like toys, we grow out of them. The people in my life, right now, are here because they love me for me and they don't try to change me. I can go to them for advice as they can with me. We are all kindred spirits.

5. Remember the power of authenticity.
Your foundation must be built on the core of who you truly, definitely are. Be bold enough to tell us what makes you tick. When you consistently show up bathed in authenticity, you make it easier on us. We know where to find you. You build trust. And you’d be surprised how many of us do want to support and celebrate your ambitions.

(source: http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-13701/5-ways-to-start-living-an-authentic-life-today.html) 

More than ever, we need to live for ourselves. It isn't a selfish act either. By doing this, becoming authentic, we become compassionate to ourselves, our families, our friends, and coworkers. We become more confident in our abilities and we live with grace.

Letting Go

I'll admit, there are times when things happens I can't control, I get upset.  It bothers me when I know I am doing the right thing but things aren't going in the right direction. I want to chew on it like gum for a very long time. But I can't; I have to let it go and give it to the universe to fix.

 This "letting go" process can be hard but doing it really relieves a boat load of stress on you. We tend to relive it over and over again. Why do we do this to ourselves? Simple, we don't want to let it go. We want to stay in a constant anger or hurt to beat ourselves up. Stop it! Let's look at how we can let things go of anger and hurt.

1. Replace a negative thought with an awesome one! 

More often than not, it’s a negative thought derived from a bad memory that makes me upset, instantly.
As stated, this is where you should replace the bad thought with an awesome thought.
Don’t even approach the bad thought.
Don’t try to rationalize it.
Don’t even think about it.
The way I see it, any of the above is a passive reaction to the negative thought, hence making you feel the negative feelings that follow, which isn’t helping you at all.
So, replace the negative thought on the spot.
Just think of something you like. It could be a fond memory in the past or something you really want in the future.
I personally like to go crazy with my imagination and come up with amazing scenarios, like when I’m listening to a song I like, I imagine myself singing it in my own music video.
Sometimes distraction is a good approach, if it’s something you’ve already dealt with but keep rehashing in your head. Watch TV, listen to music, read something, or just go out. It helps.

2. Let it all out in cliché manners.

You know something?
The clichés work.
Every tip you can find in blogs, magazines, or the newspaper work.
You just have to apply yourself and try it out.
Screaming onto your pillow actually makes you feel like you released a ton of emotions that are trying to get out.
Writing an angry letter to the person you bear a grudge against allows you to clearly articulate your feelings. Just make sure you don’t send it.
Exercising really helps with anger too. Sweating it out and letting the adrenaline take over your body can clear just about anything.
I know how it is when you feel angry and then listen to advice that you doubt will help your situation. It feels like nobody out there can fully empathize with how you feel, so who are they to talk, right?
I can empathize, and I promise that if you give it a shot, you’ll be surprised with the results.

3. Surround yourself with positive people.

Anger is a personal issue for everyone.
But unfortunately, some people around you cannot fully understand what you go through.
I find that most people feel angry because of their surroundings.
You hang out with supposed friends who make condescending remarks at you, but you don’t think you should do anything about because you don’t want to come across as petty.
You have a really dysfunctional office environment, filled with shady colleagues and a controlling boss.
Do these things sound familiar to you?
The problem is, people think they are “stuck” or they absolutely “must” be with such people because of their circumstances.
I say otherwise.
Make the conscious effort to surround yourself with people you can look up to and talk to. It won’t always be easy—if you need to look for a new job, for example—but it’s worth the time and effort.
Our surroundings influence our mood in a major way. So instead of focusing solely on addressing your inner anger, also address the external factors that trigger it.

4. Make caring for yourself a priority.

I used to be a lot angrier before my dad’s passing.
Sounds contradictory? Continue reading.
You see, as I grew up, I always did the “right thing.”
I never talked back to people who insulted me to my face. I walked away from fights. I held back a lot of my emotions.
But as a result of doing all the “right” things, I went home feeling angry with myself.
When my father died, it just hit me there and then, “I did so much for people around me, and yet this still happened.”
My biggest takeaway from my father’s death was that you have to live life to the fullest, and sometimes, if not all the time, it’s okay to take care of yourself more than anything in this world.
I’ve fallen out with friends who kept insulting me.
I now actively make the choices that suit me, even if others disagree. (For example, I may not even go to a gathering when I know someone I dislike is there.)
I even quit my job to be a full-time blogger, much to the surprise of my friends.
Caring for myself more has allowed me to truly express myself and not hold back any longer. The anger has subsided a lot as I don’t have to look back and ask, “What if?”
Your life is your own. And life is short.
If you feel anger taking control, let it go by caring for yourself. Don’t be afraid to be yourself. It is by being yourself that you can fully realize the life you’re meant to live, and anger has no part in that.

5. Decide you don’t want to add to the hate in this world.

When I feel angry sometimes I have crazy ideas of seeking justice, of finding my wrongdoers and letting them have it once and for all.
But I don’t act on it because I don’t want to add on to the crap in this world.
Let it go, not just for a better future, but also because you’re a good person. And a good person isn’t angry most of the time. Instead, he sees beauty in the world and strives for a positive life, in which others around him can be inspired too.
Choose to let go of your anger so you can be that person.
There are many other positive emotions you can enjoy when you make the effort to let go of your anger.

(source: http://tinybuddha.com/blog/5-steps-to-let-go-of-anger-for-a-happier-life/) 

When I need to let something go, I meditate and give it to the universe. I know everyone doesn't do that and that's ok, but you have to figure out your way of letting go. My friend gives her anger and grief to God so he (or she) takes care of it. It works for her. Grant it, there are some things which are hard to let go of because they've hurt too much. You've got to forgive. When you let go of anger and hurt and forgive, your health improves and you're happier (and you know it's all about being happy). When you let go and forgive you also lower your blood pressure, decrease anxiety, fewer symptoms of depressions and more (http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/adult-health/in-depth/forgiveness/art-20047692)!

So do it! Let go of that anger and hurt. There is something about that Disney song which is constantly in my head. She sings about all the pressures of life coming down on her and letting go of it and just allowing the universe to take care of her. It really is powerful.

18 Ways to be Kind

Saw this while cruising the Internet this morning. Fabulous ideas!!

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-13875/18-easy-ways-to-be-kind.html

Practicing Gratitude

The past couple weeks has been pretty tough for me; lots of transformations. Anyway, through this time of change there has been one thing which has been unwavering...my gratitude. What I found was when times get hard, once your practice gratitude, things seem to be no so bad and easier to handle. Wow! What an amazing discovery! How can you practice gratitude? Here's a couple little things I do:

1. Find the good in the bad. When you're going through a hard time, find the good in it. These tough times are here for a reason and the universe wants you to see the lesson in it. It's not an easy task but for some reason when I look for the good it makes things seem easier to handle.
2. Crying is gratitude to yourself. Yes it is. Crying is a fantastic release of the things you've bottled up inside. Crying is showing the humanism in life. Allow yourself the time to cry and show your body gratitude.
3.  Gratitude in girlfriends! As I've gotten older I've notice how grateful I am to have such awesome women in my life. When I was younger, I never had girlfriends. I worked around men and was more comfortable with them. Men are good but there is something about having a girlfriend that helps tough time tolerable. I value them so much.
4. Journal the things you are grateful about. It doesn't have to be paragraphs. Simple, one word responses. I have a gratitude book I started two weeks ago. Here's a couple things I wrote and am grateful for: my husband, my daughter, bravery, rainy days, well written assignments, daily blessings all around us, wine...
5. Say your gratitude out loud! I talk to my guardian angel all the time and I figured if I say the things I'm grateful for, it just puts more positivity into the universe. After all we all need some happiness in the world. 

Robert Emmons wrote the book, "Thanks!: How Practicing Gratitude Can Make you Happier." In it, he talks about how you can be healthier by practicing gratitude. He says just the mere fact of writing down what makes you happy and things you witness which show gratitude can make you happier. Here's a little video he did about his research: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RRrnfGf5aWE


Our society has taught us to look at the negatives which happen to us. Why? All it does is cause us heartache, pain, sadness. Who wants to live like that! I sure as hell don't want to. I want to be happy, share my gratitude to all, and hopefully they will see how happy they are too.

On the website unstuck.com, they wrote about how to cultivate gratitude. Here's what they said:

1. Notice your day-to-day world from a point of gratitude and be amazed at all the goodness we take for granted. The video "A Good Day" from TEDxSF can get you in
   the right frame of mind.
2. Keep a gratitude journal. All it requires is noting one or more things you are grateful for on a daily basis. No fancy notebook, no computer program required.
3. If you identify something or someone with a negative trait (the cold conference room), switch it in your mind to a positive trait (the conference room with
   a great view).
4. Gratitude requires humility, which the dictionary defines as "modest and respectful." Explore where it fits in your life. The article "Humility: A Quiet, Underappreciated Strength" is a good start.
5. Give at least one compliment daily. It can  be to a person or it can be asking someone to share your appreciation of something else ("I love how quiet it is in the morning, don’t you?").
6. When you find yourself in a bad situation ask: What can I learn? When I look back on this, without emotion, what will I be grateful for?
7. Vow to not complain, criticize, or gossip for 10 days. If you slip, rally your willpower and keep going. Notice the amount of energy you were spending on negative thoughts and actions.
8. Sound genuinely happy to hear from the people who call you on the phone. Whether the caller responds with surprise or delight, he’ll know you value speaking with him.
9. Become involved in a cause that is important to you. Donate money or time or talent. By joining in, you’ll gain greater appreciation for the organization, and it will appreciate you more, too.
    (Source: http://www.unstuck.com/gratitude.html)

Pushing The Lawnmower

As I'm on my quest for happiness, I'm also on the quest to do more things with my husband. These past few weeks we have been redoing our flower beds together. So far it has been very successful and I think we bond a little bit more. We laugh a lot and we literally enjoy each other's company. After all, I did marry my best friend. So I decided to take it a little further and help out with our lawn. Sipping the good wife that I am, I went around and did hand edging/Clipping around the house. If that was an exhausting enough (which by the way it was)  I got the harebrained idea to do the hand mowing which my husband normally does. This involves using the push mower around the trees, Hills, Flowerbeds, etc. I was ready! I had on old sneakers, my favorite baseball hat, sunscreen, and a water bottle close by. So I started off. I thought it start with the easy things first by going around the trees and the flowerbeds then onward to this small hill next to our house. Keep in mind I do yoga every day and I powerwalk at least three times a week. This, by far, literally kicked my ass! You think your lawn is nice and flat and relatively easy to do; so far from the truth. I really thought my lawn with this nice looking, well manicured area which my husband I put together. However when you add a push mower to the mix, it really put some perspective on it. I was never so exhausted in my life. Pushing babies out of my vagina was much easier than the push mower. As usual, with every experience in my life, I learned some lessons.

1. Be prepared for the expected. Life can always go along Nice and flat and on even keel. It's the hills that challenge us. The hills are therefore reason; they are there to show us what is important to us.
2. Never go downhill - the mower can get away from you. In life we tend to see things on the negative side we are going downhill and the chances of reaching your goals are never going happen. Going uphill means staying positive, focusing on our passions and what is important to us. When we go uphill, we should never look back. If we do look back, we should look back at the lessons that we were taught; not on the emotions that kept us there.
3. Mow carefully around the flowerbeds. What I mean by this is think around the box or globally. When you mow carefully around the flowerbeds you're paying attention to every aspect and every action you take. You do this in life! When you have a situation, think of every possible outcome from your actions before taking the right decision for you. So when you are mowing around the flowers, you're making sure that you're taking the proper course to keep the flowers pretty.
4. Sweating for woman is not sweating; you are glowing! So why can't we glow every day? Each day get out of bed and say to yourself, "today I will glow with inner sunshine and happiness." It probably sounds a little hokey, but what the heck! If we look at ourselves from the inside and see how strong we truly are, we see that we do glow with a bright sunshine that can empower us to be the true person you really are. Glow and be proud!

It's never a bad thing to try I do things with your spouse. After doing the lawnmowing, I had a newfound respect for that man. That was some hard work! Even know deep inside I was whining and complaining, I think I'll do it again because I saw so many great lessons in lawn mowing. He didn't tell me I did a good job and with that, I sat down and had my glass of iced tea, and looked upon my yard with great pride.

Men Growing Old

My husband is 64. As he has gotten older he's gotten a little slower, a little grumpier, and extremely OCD but I love all that. What gets me is the out of control hair; not the hair on their head. It's the out of control eyebrows! And the ear hair! OMG! But wait, the underarm hair somehow decides to become an entity of it's own; like the island of crazy hair.

Let's break this down and analyze this one at a time. Ok...the eyebrows. It's like God fertilizes them overnight and they wake up like an overgrown bush! And they don't grow one way, they grow everywhere yet somehow they come together right about the nose. They even grow down on the eyelids! What's up with this hysterical joke? So every few days we have my husband sits on the side of the bathtub and I get out the eyebrow brush and little scissors and trim. And every few days I do this somehow one hair grows even faster than the rest; maybe it gets more sun. Then the wild ones on the eyelids get clipped; then we move to get close to the skin to trim the ones in the middle. I can tweeze because "it hurts too much." Really? 

Where in the world does all that ear hair come from? Not just inside the ear like potato roots but around the ear too! Like the eyebrows, the outer ear hair grows like weeds! And long too. The inner ear hair which hardly sees light somehow manages to grow long enough to braid. Again every few days we go for a trim. And again I am amazed at how fast these things grow! Nature is remarkable.

My husband's armpits since turning 60 are like the hair of a yetti. They grow and grow and grow. We measured one hair (which I did trim) at 16 inches. If he starts wailing a mating call, I'll begin to worry.

There is no reason for the pharmaceutical world to create synthetic testosterone when you have guys like my husband. My goodness! If I could figure out a way to harvest it and sell it to guys with low 'T' I could make a ton of money. Or better yet, we could create an organization for guys who need body hair. Now that would be profitable.

Guys like Sean Connery, Pierce Brosnan, and George Clooney (Brad Pitt maybe) must have the same problem. Someone has to be sitting them on the side of the bathtub and giving them a trim every few days. So men you must unite and create a group to share grooming tips. There are some out there who need it.

 

Angels Around Us - A Tribute to Candy

When I was young, I believed I could see things that weren't there. Family members who passed would come visit me and talk to me. As I grew, I lost that innocence and life got ahead of me. About the time I got sick I wanted to something believe in. I'm not a religious person at all. I found great spirituality through meditation and yoga. But more kept coming to me through nature. I was driving along one day and a hawk followed me and was looking at me. That solved it for me; I had to talk to someone. My friends pointed me in many directions. First I went to someone who could interpret what nature was telling me. She told me there were messages from the other side for me to listen to. Ok, I got that; however it is pretty cool to see what nature tells you. Next stop, a psychic. Found a really cool one who was local. He told me some pretty remarkable stuff. But my journey wasn't over. He sent me to an angel reader. There's where it get's interesting. I met my friend Candy. I've known Candy for years but never really went to her. You see, she's an angel reader. Now, before you shake your head and debunk it, it's not.

Candy explained to me we have angels all around us all the time. She also explained we have a guardian angel all the time along with family members who are watching out for us. All we need to do is listen to them (again, that gut feeling). It's been over two years since I saw Candy and I still believe everything she said to me. She gave me homework too and I did that.

Candy gave me a renewed belief in life and the universe. While I'm still not religious, I do believe there is a great abundance for us to take from the universe (I'm a big believer in The Secret), and I also believe I have angels all around me. I talk to them now and in their own way, they talk back to me. Like I said in my earlier post, it's that gut feeling. Angels are really cool and the afterlife is more amazing than we know. We are so caught up in life and we forget what it's like to believe in things that aren't there. Candy gave me that belief. She is a remarkable woman who I have come to respect even more but have an unconditional love for her because of her gift. She has not one angry bone in her body and greets people as if they're family. Candy is getting ready for her journey in to the next phase of her life. While I will miss her in the body, I will know she is with me and I will continue to talk to her and my angels.

When I need to get a professional angel reader, I go to my friend Anne Marie who is an amazing woman. She was trained by Candy and I know Anne Marie will guide me as Candy did. When I meditate daily, I talk to my guardian angels and my family members. Talk to yours; they are your guides. Listen to them, and they will help you through the toughest of times.

Seeing Your True Beauty

The other day my friend Cindy was visiting me. We sat outside enjoying the beautiful spring weather and she remarked that I looked beautiful. I thanked her for the compliment but part of me wonders, "what do see in me that I don't? why are we so critical of ourselves? Are we really beautiful?" So easily we can look in the mirror and see ourselves as we are but we also need to see our true beauty.

I looked up the definition of the word beauty in the Merriam-Webster dictionary. It is defined as,

The quality or aggregate of qualities in a person or thing that gives pleasure to the senses or pleasurably exalts mind or spirit: loveliness.

We see the beauty in flowers, food, clothing, etc. We're too busy being critical of our own life and bodies that we forget to see the beauty in who we are! There's a website just for people to notice how beautiful they truly are: operationbeautiful.com. This website encourages us to write positive affirmations on Post-it notes daily to remind ourselves how beautiful we are. Their mission statement is pretty awesome and it says:

The goal of the Operation Beautiful website is to end negative self-talk or “Fat Talk.”  If this little blog only does one productive thing, I hope it helps readers realize how truly toxic negative self-talk is  — it hurts you emotionally, spiritually, and physically.

I know I am just as guilty as anyone else with the negative self talk. I can't tell you how many times I said to myself that I'm stupid or ugly or unworthy and the things that I do. I change that around and I literally yell at myself when I hear myself starting to say things like that and change it around to something more positive. By talking positive to yourself you see yourself as you truly are: you are worthy, You are beautiful, you can achieve. By talking positive your whole attitude towards yourself changes dramatically. The negativity that you hear and see within yourself dissipates and you become more confident about yourself; you start seeing yourself in a light that is brighter than a sun and stronger than anything you've ever experienced. You smile more, you hold your head higher, you feel healthier when you talk positive about yourself.

There are so many people in the world that don't even consider themselves to be worthy of being alive. This isn't so. We are all worthy of being on this earth and in this lifetime. We create life with passion and love, continue with that passion and love within your own life. We aren't mistakes! We were put here, right here right now, to embrace the world and the universe and everything that comes in it. So stop this self negative talk! Tell yourself all day today how beautiful you are! Do it! Look in the mirror right now and tell yourself, "I am beautiful! I am awesome!" Every time you look in the mirror today tell yourself this. You will find your day Will be absolutely amazing.

So how do I see myself? I am dead sexy! I am worthy of everything the universe has to give me! I've worked hard on the body I have and I am comfortable with in my skin. I am beautiful.

Becoming the Parent of the Parent

All through my life, I've had my parents. They've raised me, watched me grow, have a child, and move into the phases of my life. My father passed away in 2003 after battling pancreatic cancer. This was tough and for the first time in my life I became the parent to my parents. I helped my mother make the decisions and, in turn, I took the time to take care of my father. I would leave my house at 5am for the hospice center, bathe him, help brush his teeth, feed him, brush his hair, etc. I helped my mother with this transition and started watching over her too.

Mom is now 80. Her balance isn't the greatest and neither is her memory. Her MS is working on her neurological issues. She still drives but only in and around the local area. She's not at the point of taking care of her but I've had to start checking in on her, make sure she eats, take her pills, etc. But lately I've noticed changes in her personality, her memory isn't the greatest and sometimes has a hard time remember everyday things. I worry about her being alone but she refuses to have a device in case she falls. She want's to be independent but yet, I fell it's important I'm there help her.

It's not easy being the adult here. When you become the parent of your parent so many things come into your head like all your childhood thoughts come back to haunt you. Here you're dealing with someone who raised you and all of a sudden you're thrust into a role of caring for them.

In an article in Psychology Today, Dr. Tamara Greenburg says,

When a parent becomes ill everything from our own childhoods, which we thought we had put to rest, can come back to haunt us. This is especially true when taking care of children at home. In the midst of our own vibrant lives we get reminded of the limits of our own upbringing. If we did not have an ideal (or good enough childhood) anger and resentment can take the stage. When this is the case, it is pretty tough to take care of everyone who may need us.

I'm not angry but I sure am frustrated. If you try to help, the parent gets angry because you're taking away from their independence. I'm finding ways of getting past this while helping her in ways she doesn't know. For example, if you're on your parents health power of attorney, you can let them go to the doctor themselves, but follow up with the doctor on the visit. You don't need to be at the bank to see what they have (if you have financial power of attorney), but you can go online to double check their transactions so they're doing ok. Small things.

Mom still frustrates me and I know the time will come soon enough where she will need care. I'm not sure if I'm ready for that but who ever is? Greenburg goes on to say,

Taking care of an aging parent can throw us into multiple versions of ourselves. We can feel like an infant, child, and parent all at the same time. Although parenting requires people to deal with how dependent they were as kids, taking care of an adult parent puts this dilemma in the forefront. It can seem like there is no room for us to feel like a grown up and a kid, but this is exactly what is required of us. When parents are ill and elderly, we have to manage a number of disjointed and seemingly contradictory feelings and identities.

So the lessons continue...

Go With Your Gut

When I was younger I would make decisions just on what I felt like at the time. I guess you can call it the "shoot from the hip" approach. As my thought processes have matured, I no longer make decisions quickly but I think first and go with my gut.

This way of decision making didn't come until two years ago. Profound words said to me by my dear friend and mentor Deborah when I had to make a decision about something. She said, "Go with your gut. You'll never go wrong." How can something so little make such an impact on how I make decisions? I even went to college and got a Masters degree just so I could learn how to make decisions. One sentence changed it all!

Going with your gut is something we tend to not even use throughout our lives. It's that feeling deep down in your belly that tells you whether it's right or not. Sometimes we don't listen to this feeling and go with what logic or society deems the right thing. Occasionally it's money driven too. However, more times than not, these decisions turn out to be a bust or makes us extremely unhappy. I had this happen a couple months ago. I signed up for some training which cost a boatload of money. They had a scholarship program which would cut the cost in half. Sounds like the right thing? I got in, got the scholarship, started the training and it was the wrong thing to do. I was so unhappy and it almost made me walk away from my passion and never do it again. I knew it was wrong and didn't listen to my gut. I stepped back and knew which way I needed to go and now on the path I know my gut is right with.

Is Deborah right with this thinking? Is there scientific evidence? In a journal, British Journal of Psychology, in 2008,  Professors Hodgkinson, Langan-Fox, and Sadler-Smith write the scholarly paper, "Intuition: A fundamental bridging construct in the behavioural sciences." Is this paper, the state,

Through analysis of a wide range of research papers examining the phenomenon, the researchers conclude that intuition is the brain drawing on past experiences and external cues to make a decision – but one that happens so fast the reaction is at a non-conscious level. All we’re aware of is a general feeling that something is right or wrong.
“People usually experience true intuition when they are under severe time pressure or in a situation of information overload or acute danger, where conscious analysis of the situation may be difficult or impossible,” says Prof Hodgkinson. (source: http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/03/080305144210.htm)

I'm sure there are naysayers out there who try to debunk this theory. But here's my thought, if it's proven scientifically, it's gotta but right somehow.  Carlin Flora says in his Psychology Today article, "How to Trust a Hunch,"

The gut itself literally feeds gut feelings; think of butterflies in the stomach when a decision is pending. The gut has millions of nerve cells and, through them, a "mind of its own," says Michael Gershon, author of The Second Brain and a professor at Columbia University. Still, gut feelings do not originate there, but in signals from the brain. (source: http://www.psychologytoday.com/collections/201308/go-your-gut/how-trust-hunch)

So YES! Deborah is right. Your gut really is never wrong. Since taking this thought process, my decision making (when I listen to it) is dead on. Listen to your inner voice, your gut, your Jimminy Cricket. "Give a little whistle! And always let your conscience be your guide."

Learning the Meaning of Life From Becky

I learn so much from the people in my life. But the one person I learn the most from is my friend Becky. Becky has a quiet wisdom which, if you blink, you might miss it. She doesn't say much; it's more her actions and quiet mystique that really speaks volumes. Here's what I learned so far from Becky.

1. Unconditional love – Becky shows unconditional love to anything and everything. The first time I met Becky without a function at her mothers house (who was one of my closest friends). I watched Becky pick up the family cat, Roscoe, and nuzzle him speaking softly into his ear so no one could hear. The unconditional love she shows for animals is enough to make A grown person cry. But that's not all. Becky shows unconditional love for other things such as the frozen margarita in front of her. As she takes a sip you can see and unworded bliss come across her face, With a smile that radiates from the heart. You see in Becky's world, there is no such thing as hate, anger, vengeance, or anything that has to do with negativity. She doesn't know that how to to be negative or mean. I'll Becky knows how to show his love and she doesn't and her own mysterious way. When looking at Becky's special way of loving it humbles one to see beauty within her world. If only others could love like Becky there would be no war, fighting, or hate. I hope one day I can learn this unique way of loving each and everything I come into contact with what Becky can.
2. Style – Becky has a sense of style that rivals no other. Every time I see Becky she is dressed to perfection. She meticulously picks out her pants, which are usually jeans, and a top. More often than not Becky's style is all her own. Her color palette is wide but she chooses her favorites; mostly in the area of purple. But her flair doesn't stop there… oh no! This amazing one can accessorize like no other! Every day she has on her rings for matching each hand, bracelets picked out with great care, necklaces which only Becky could wear, and her bright purple watch. Because of this great sense of style I've looked at my own way of dressing and accessorizing and have also added bracelets and earrings because Becky is taught me that no woman should leave the house without matching throughout her wardrobe.
3. Speaking - Becky doesn't say much and that's okay. Sometimes the best things are left to be unsaid; that's how it's be. As the old saying says, "actions speak louder than words" should be the Way, Becky later life. Because that's how she is. This woman has a quiet way of going about life and not necessarily having to say one word. In the yoga and meditation world we call this mindfulness. I can only dream of having the ability to be as quiet and mindful within life as my friend Becky.
4. Scheduled - in Becky's world we live in breath by the calendar. Why? Because Becky leads a very scheduled life… by choice. Each day Becky look at her calendar to see what is going on for that day. And as she wakes up she prepares as soon as she wakes up (and no later) to be ready for her day; even if it starts after lunch, she is ready. While I'm not as regimented as Becky is about my schedule, she looks forward to each and every thing with a fondness of a five-year-old seen Santa Claus for the very first time. How I dream of approaching every moment in my life like Becky. I want to have my eyes wide open to see everything like it's the very first time, with beauty, love, and excitement. Even the most mundane thing such as going to the dentist is met with just as much excitement as a trip to the Bahamas. We all need to look at our daily lives that way.

My friend Becky is so special to me that there are no words to describe my feelings and thoughts for her. It's beyond love and deeper than anything I've ever felt for any human. Her soft, innocent, and gentle way of approaching Life every day reaffirms anyone that you can find meaning in the simplest forms when looking for truth and life. As I write this, tears of unconditional love flow through my eyes because of the beauty I see and Becky every day. I'm sure her mom, my dear friend Maria, could tell you she has her moments of trials and tribulations with Becky. But overall everyone in her family, her mom and dad, David and Kelley, Jessie and Art, and of course the infamous Lola would tell you they cannot imagine your lives without Becky. Because life without Becky is a life without meaning; and she has brought so much meaning to my life.

You see, my friend Becky has down syndrome. But you don't see that. You do not see a person who is handicapped or has any other disabilities at all. You see a woman, yes a woman, who is confident, compassionate, and full of so much grace that everyone in the world could learn from. In short, she is the coolest chick I will ever encounter in my lifetime.

We All Have Choices

My mom, who tends to have moments of being extremely wise, says the above statement when we discuss things we do and say. The funny part about this small quote is so strong and powerful.

Dr. Phil says this about choices:

It's often been said that life is a series of choices. Think about it. As you progress from one stage of your life to another, you make choices that have far-reaching implications.
You can think about life in different phases. First is dependency, when we rely on others to take care of us, to feed us, to clothe us. Then, you move into the preparation phase where you're getting yourself ready to do something with your life. Then, you move into the performance phase.
All of these phases are driven by choices. What you need to ask yourself is why you make the choices that you make.
Most choices are made out of fear — not need for achievement, not pride, but fear. One of the things that I want you to do is sit down and say, "What are the important choices that I'm making in my life, and what is the motive that drives each and every one of these choices?" That knowledge will be power.  (source: http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/402)

How we choose to live our lives is so important. As I've stated, I've chosen to live my life with positivity and happiness. This doesn't mean I don't have days I get angry, upset, or sad, but it is up to me on how I deal with it. When someone cuts me off while driving, yea I get mad and probably say some unkind things; it's short-lived and done in a nano second. Why let it ruin your day? When it comes to sadness I've had my share. My father died in 2003, I've had to put down three dogs, my daughter moved away. I was sad on all three incidents but I don't wallow in it. I miss them all but I know their souls are around me with love. My daughter and I talk every day at least three or four times a day and she's always in my heart.

The other day I was talking to my dear friend Cindy. She and I were hiking and talking about mourning. Her husband died two years ago. She had her time of being sad but realized that's not what she wanted to to. She knows her husband is still around her and she talks to him all the time. She embraces happiness and knows her choice is to be happy and continue with life. I so admire her for this.  She went to a grief group one time and there were folks there who were still mourning the loss of a loved one for years and years. Are they losing their happiness while wallowing? Yes! We must live on! Grief must not take over our lives. I've had my share of grief and loss; I choose to embrace their memories and know they are around me with love.

All the choices we make will affect your life; good, bad, or indifferent. But the overall understanding is to realize they are YOUR CHOICES. I found this one blog which spelled out the 100 most important life choices. Some made me giggle but they're true (http://lifelessons4u.wordpress.com/2009/04/15/100-most-important-life-choices/). We are all going to make some choices that don't get too many votes with family, choices of life or death, simple or complex; overall we make them for us. I know some I make aren't popular but I accept them as mine.

Introducing My Passion - Yoga - It's a Lifestyle

When I started doing yoga, I was sick for quite a while, fat, and out of shape...badly. I started going once a week. I'm not gonna lie, it was hard. I know I would cry through most of it too. I would tell myself, "I can't do this" or "I can't do that" without even trying; thinking I had limits. See I was told all my life I was 'delicate' and my body was not capable of doing such things. I believed it too. I was in a class one evening with my friend Brent and his wife (who was the instructor), Erica. When I couldn't do a pose, starting crying (of course), Brent looked at me and said, "Why are you telling yourself you can't? Why not try saying, I can instead?" Holy cow! Talk about a wake up moment! Felt like a rock hit me in the head. From then on, I've been unstoppable. I stopped telling myself I can't and started the "I Can" mentality.

This new mentality isn't the only thing that changed me. Yoga and the yogic life really has been a big impact on me. Yoga isn't just exercise. It's a total overhaul in your life. Your mind is clearer, your choices in what you do in life, the way you eat, and more! Before I did yoga, I was sick, depressed, and literally at my lowest. I couldn't work because of my illness. Now I can! I'm now living my life the way I want to and what I always dreamed. Because of yoga I can now hike mountains, travel, try new things, and be the wife I want to be.Because of yoga and my newfound way of thinking, I'm more positive in life than ever before. I also keep positive people in my life and stay away from anything negative. Nothing, and I mean nothing, will dampen my parade!

Keep in mind, yoga isn't just for girls. You was created by men for men. It wasn't until yoga came the Western World that women became active in it. So men! Listen! It's not just for women. I am starting to see more and more men come into yoga than ever before.

Remember though, it's a way of life. Grant it, you can just do it as a form of exercise, but you're selling yourself short by not embracing everything there is about yoga. It's beautiful, whole, and sheer beauty, It's where my life began.

The Right to be Picky

At 52, I've decided I have the right to be picky. Not just about food, but pretty much everything in my life. Each of us should be picky too. Why? Because we shouldn't be forced into things we really don't want to do, say, or eat. So I put together my own Personal Bill of Rights.

1. I have the right to not watch the news because it's too much negativity
2. I have the right to not eat foods that are processed because they're nasty
3. I have the right to pick and choose what I want to do; I'm in control of my life
4. I have the right to become the person I want to be. I want to be true to myself
5. I have the right not to eat meat because it makes me feel ill and there's a weirdness of eating a fellow mammal. 
6. I have the right to share love and happiness in ways such as hugs, gifts, random acts of kindness. It's part of being me.
7. I have the right to spend an entire day reading a book, knitting, sewing, or engaging in things that make me happy if I want to.
8. I have the right to eat practice my spirituality in any way I want whether it's through meditation or yoga
9. I have the right to wear whatever clothes I want to wear; be it politically correct or not. I have a slight hippie feel and my own sense of style which includes lots of pink and yellow.
10. I have to the right to eat whatever foods I want no matter how weird or odd it may be. It's healthy for my body.

 Ladies, take heed! We've got to start being picky about our lives. For so many years I did things which I thought were the right things to do because of being a mom, wife, good employee. No more. It's time to start living the lives we are meant to have and be picky about it.

I tell my students and my children to live with passion and find your passion and live it. For some reason, we women forget about that because we're too busy trying to please people. By doing this, we lose ourselves. The other day I was hiking with a friend who was telling me she doesn't really know who she is or what she wants anymore. She has a two year old and a husband and somehow has lost herself. I told her to rediscover herself and find what makes her happy. As simple as that statement is, it can pack a big punch! However, finding what makes you happy is a journey which can really be lots of fun. Some would look at this as frustrating, but don't allow it to be. Finding what makes you happy is a great adventure.

By finding what makes you happy, you can start being picky. Only do what makes you happy. Only eat what tastes good. Wear clothes that reflect you. Take time to do what you love.

Are We Too Serious?

Yesterday I was relaxing and channel surfing and came upon an old Ellen DeGeneres stand up routine. It was pretty funny but she did have some seriousness in one part. She talked about how we forget to get in touch with our inner child.

There are times in our lives which we forget that life was meant to be enjoyed and have fun. With jobs, kids, bills, mortgages, etc. we tend to forget about the this great joy of life. One part of Ellen's bit was running up to a stranger, touching them and saying, "your it!" Sounds so easy to do but what would people think?? They probably would call the cops on you. But there's a simplicity to this statement that sounds like so much fun. So much so I think I want to try it.

How can we enjoy life? It's so easy when you think about it. Think about when you were 8 years old. What would be your key to happiness. Here's the top 5 from my inner 8 year old.

1. Marry Davy Jones
2. Have all the Barbie's in the world
3. Never go to school and play all day
4. Live in a castle
5. Be able to fly like Peter Pan

In review of these items as an adult I can say I've completed them in my own way. But do you see how simple this is? If we can look at things from the perspective of an 8 year old, we can easily enjoy life so much more. While I never married Davy Jones, I married a great guy who looks like Steve McQueen. I'll take that.

Here's some adult minded thought which could help you be in touch with happiness.

• Take a walk - So many times we come home from work with the intention of cooking dinner and watching the news. Turn off the news which is depressing anyway and go walk. Get your spouse or partner to go and hold hands. 
• Take a class or lesson you always wanted to do - This past week I took a class on raising roses. While it sounds pretty weird, it was really cool and I enjoyed it. There are tons of freebies you can look into in your community. My husband and I did a dance class or two and laughed through the entire thing.
• Step out of your comfort zone - A couple of years ago my daughter convinced me to go zip lining with her. I was scared to death but I couldn't show it. I wanted to be tough. I was too. It wasn't easy and I walked away with more black and blue marks on my body that I could count, but I sure had fun and laughed a lot. 
• Become the tourist - We all live in different parts of the world but have you ever taken the time to be the tourist of your area? Pick a local town and do the touristy thing. It's fun and you see things you never knew were there. 
• Create something beautiful - Last Friday my friends and I went to a place and painted ceramic figures. Boy it was so relaxing and fun. Yesterday I planted an herb garden. I've even tried making a terrarium. Making something beautiful isn't hard. Just takes your inner 8 year old. 
• Live your childhood dreams - I kind of do this! I teach yoga. To me, this is play but also my passion. When I do yoga, I can fly like Peter Pan too. I live in an amazing house my husband and I build; thus it is my castle. 

Don't take life too serious. Why should we? My adopted daughter Suzi and her wife Lisa live life on their terms! They work virtually, bought an RV and travel the U.S. embracing life and laughing. I look at life sometimes through my daughters eyes. At 25, she's wide open and learning so much. I don't want to be that age but it really is awesome to see the greatness she's doing.

Stop being so serious! It causes wrinkles.

Failure and Weakness - The Make-Believe Words We Shouldn't Hear or Say

I teach college online. For one of my classes it's the last week and their assignment was to reflect on what they learned and what they're taking away. One student focused on what she found as weaknesses. A friend of mine had a business which was slow to start. She closed it in less than a year and has yet to bounce back because she sees it as a failure.

Why do we, as humans, focus on our downfalls? Society has programmed us to see ourselves as weak and to focus on our weakness...lower than perfection (remember that discussion?).

As humans we are prone to moments of downfall and imperfection. Oprah did the commencement speech at Harvard last year and said this,

"At some point, you are bound to stumble. You will at some point fall, and when you do, I want you to remember this—There is no such thing as failure; failure is just life trying to move us in another direction."

She's right (yes Oprah is right). We stumble. In reviewing for this writing, I looked at other mammals. Funny thing about the animal kingdom, they don't focus on failure or weakness. If an animal is a pack animal, the ones that are not high in the ranking they just live happily with where they are. Geese who fly in a V formation have a purpose as to where they are in the V. It has nothing to do with who is strongest. They just have the assigned position. Dogs too! My Molly stumbles once in awhile. She'll poop on the floor or pee on the rug. But do they focus on that as a failure? No! What do they do, they jump on your lap and love you. Animals live in the here and now with the memory of the stumble gone in a second. So why can't we do this? Simple, society has trained us to think of our lives as crap when we stumble.

"Start realizing right now that there's no such thing as failure. There are only results. You always produce a result. If it's not the one you desire, you can just change your actions and you'll produce new results. Cross out the word 'failure,' circle the word 'outcome' in this book, and commit yourself to learning from every experience."

-- Tony Robbins

I can't tell you how many times I've reached a low point where I though myself weak, a failure, and lower than an ant's legs. Then again, we've probably all been there. You can wallow in it if you want; sit around, eat the spray cheese and Ritz Crackers, chew on it until it loses it flavor. Ok, you've had your moment, look at these stumble as an educational experience or learning experience. A moment of stumbling and move forward.  Like I've said many times, there are so many wonderful things in life and we can't focus our thoughts on the bad stuff. Focus on the good that came out of the situation. For example, a couple years ago I decided to create a non-profit to focus on helping others learn meditation free with a focus on low income and military suffering from PTSD, depression, and anxiety. Sounds like a great thing right? After a year of working hard, doing the leg work, advertising, interviewing, we got nothin! I closed it up. I was pretty broken up about it but I looked back on all the things I learned, the people I met, and the lessons involved. It was invaluable. 

There's a great book written by Marcus Buckingham and Donald Clifton called, "Now Discover Your Strengths." In this book, Buckingham and Clifton teach us how to solely focus on our strengths. In it they say, "Focus on your strengths and those weaknesses you see fade away" (paraphrased). 

I use this last sentence as a mantra when I feel myself falling into focusing on those stumbles. I had to do this just a week ago when I went into something which I thought would be a great opportunity and it turned out to be a bust. The lesson for me was, it wasn't a good fit. I'm not trying to resolve it or reason the situation. That was the lesson.

So stop looking at your life as a failure or weakness! We have downfalls and stumbles. Focus on your strengths! Embrace them, hone them to be bigger! 

IBS - Part II - Living the Poopy Life

Living with IBS-D can be, well, unique to say the least. One thing I've learned is timing is everything. Know when your body is going to react. The sad part is, we have no control over it. I get asked often how I can lead a great life while dealing with this caca. Below are some suggestions that have worked for me.

1) Know your body. Get in tune with your entire body and it's functions. I'll be honest, I kept a journal on everything from what I ate to when I poo. I had too. This is for a couple reasons: first, because you need to figure out what could be causing your issues. For many IBS sufferers, there are many things which cause the "moments." The biggest thing that causes problems are simple foods which you never would realize: fruit, breads, corn. Why fruit? Fruit has lots of natural sugars; sugars feed the yeast which creates the IBS. Breads have what in it? Yeast! Yeast is candida. Corn is so overly produced the body rejects it and cannot process it.

With bread comes gluten. If you drink alcohol, there are grains in vodka, rum, bourbon, scotch, and whiskey. If you do like that occasional cosmo or martini, you can use a grape based or potato based vodka. Wine can be a good alternative but watch your sugar intake on this one. Go for dry wines.

2) Traveling - Traveling is tough for us who poo when we hit bumps or get nervous. You can make traveling easier if you follow these steps. A) again, know when you have your moments. B) create a travel kit that sits right beside you at all times. Adult diaper (sorry), wipes, extra underwear, extra pants, and Imodium.  Know your route and make sure you scout out bathrooms.

3) Peppermint can cause more harm than good. Sorry Dr. Oz. When he remarked that peppermint helps, I ran out and bought some peppermint capsules. It did more harm than good with me. When I had an accident, my entire downside was burned from the peppermint. BUT you can try peppermint and ginger oil rubbed onto the tummy and feet. This does work well.

4) When you feel that bubble, go to the bathroom...don't run. Running makes it worse. Walk proud and realize it's coming and you can't stop it.

You don't have to suffer in silence. My family knows and I've been pretty open with them on this issue. You can control this with how you eat. Do the research and know what triggers the moments. Grant it, you can just live with it without changing your lifestyle but is it worth hiding out when you can have a fun life. Because of the changes I've made, I can lead a good life, travel, have fun. You just need to be mindful.

Folks, pooping your pants at this age really isn't fun. I'm not a fan of the warm and squishy moments. You feel defeated, humiliated, and angry all at once. Even changing my diet hasn't cleared it up but it has slowed it down so I can do the things I want.

Below is an excerpt from my book I'm writing called, "Warm and Squishy."

One afternoon I was in a local department store with my then 10 year old daughter and it hit me; first it starts out as a bubble in your belly. Then all hell breaks loose and down the shorts into my beautiful clear jellies it went. Up my back, down my legs, in my shoes, on the floor; you name it, there wasn’t an inch that wasn’t covered in poo. Not just any type of poo. The kind that is watery, has some texture and a great bouquet. My daughter starts crying saying she was “sorry for dawdling” (great mom huh?). Trying to keep it all together and not fall apart, I just looked at her with love and said, “Honey, you’re ok but mommy needs to go to the car. How about if you be the big girl, take the keys, open the car for me, and I’ll be right there.” She was very brave. I, on the other hand was thinking to myself, “What the hell just happened here?” Then you hear the dreaded intercom come across, “May I have your attention please? Associate needs clean up in children’s clothing.” I needed to get out fast. I pulled myself together, held my head high, and started walking out; squishing in my shoes and trying not to slip as the beautiful stench of crap keeps coming out. My daughter and I made it home okay. Got in the door and cleaned up. I chalked it up as a fluke…but it wasn’t.

I can honestly say I have crapped in the best of places: Cloudcroft, NM; Las Vegas, NV; The White House; the grounds of a local college; and a parking garage. Oh, did I mention there are even television shows involved? Yes, lucky me had an accident at the daytime show of Anderson Cooper and The Chew. Leaving your ‘mark’ in places really isn’t something I wanted to be known for.