Failure and Weakness - The Make-Believe Words We Shouldn't Hear or Say

I teach college online. For one of my classes it's the last week and their assignment was to reflect on what they learned and what they're taking away. One student focused on what she found as weaknesses. A friend of mine had a business which was slow to start. She closed it in less than a year and has yet to bounce back because she sees it as a failure.

Why do we, as humans, focus on our downfalls? Society has programmed us to see ourselves as weak and to focus on our weakness...lower than perfection (remember that discussion?).

As humans we are prone to moments of downfall and imperfection. Oprah did the commencement speech at Harvard last year and said this,

"At some point, you are bound to stumble. You will at some point fall, and when you do, I want you to remember this—There is no such thing as failure; failure is just life trying to move us in another direction."

She's right (yes Oprah is right). We stumble. In reviewing for this writing, I looked at other mammals. Funny thing about the animal kingdom, they don't focus on failure or weakness. If an animal is a pack animal, the ones that are not high in the ranking they just live happily with where they are. Geese who fly in a V formation have a purpose as to where they are in the V. It has nothing to do with who is strongest. They just have the assigned position. Dogs too! My Molly stumbles once in awhile. She'll poop on the floor or pee on the rug. But do they focus on that as a failure? No! What do they do, they jump on your lap and love you. Animals live in the here and now with the memory of the stumble gone in a second. So why can't we do this? Simple, society has trained us to think of our lives as crap when we stumble.

"Start realizing right now that there's no such thing as failure. There are only results. You always produce a result. If it's not the one you desire, you can just change your actions and you'll produce new results. Cross out the word 'failure,' circle the word 'outcome' in this book, and commit yourself to learning from every experience."

-- Tony Robbins

I can't tell you how many times I've reached a low point where I though myself weak, a failure, and lower than an ant's legs. Then again, we've probably all been there. You can wallow in it if you want; sit around, eat the spray cheese and Ritz Crackers, chew on it until it loses it flavor. Ok, you've had your moment, look at these stumble as an educational experience or learning experience. A moment of stumbling and move forward.  Like I've said many times, there are so many wonderful things in life and we can't focus our thoughts on the bad stuff. Focus on the good that came out of the situation. For example, a couple years ago I decided to create a non-profit to focus on helping others learn meditation free with a focus on low income and military suffering from PTSD, depression, and anxiety. Sounds like a great thing right? After a year of working hard, doing the leg work, advertising, interviewing, we got nothin! I closed it up. I was pretty broken up about it but I looked back on all the things I learned, the people I met, and the lessons involved. It was invaluable. 

There's a great book written by Marcus Buckingham and Donald Clifton called, "Now Discover Your Strengths." In this book, Buckingham and Clifton teach us how to solely focus on our strengths. In it they say, "Focus on your strengths and those weaknesses you see fade away" (paraphrased). 

I use this last sentence as a mantra when I feel myself falling into focusing on those stumbles. I had to do this just a week ago when I went into something which I thought would be a great opportunity and it turned out to be a bust. The lesson for me was, it wasn't a good fit. I'm not trying to resolve it or reason the situation. That was the lesson.

So stop looking at your life as a failure or weakness! We have downfalls and stumbles. Focus on your strengths! Embrace them, hone them to be bigger!