Do Mean People Really Suck?

Did you ever meet someone who was just the most unhappy person you ever met? Better yet, how about the one person in your work area who makes it a point to be the "watchdog" to tattle on everyone? Recently it seems I've run into people who just aren't happy. No matter how cheerful you can be, they find a way to make the situation ugly.

Being the geek that I am, I wanted to find out some answers as to why people are mean. I found a couple articles which seem to shed some light on things.

Nathan Heflick, PhD wrote an article for Psychology Today titled, "Why are People Mean?" In it he gives five really interesting reasons.

a. Social Identity Theory - To put it in Cindy terms, this means people want to be unique from others in a positive way. So how do we do this? Well, there's folks that are in the "in group" and those in the "out group" or what we called in high school, "Cliques." Yep, adults do it too. People who are in the in group degrade people in the out group. By being mean to the out group folks, the in group people feel more empowered and self confident along with self esteem. Along with this theory is the basis of competition. Who can get noticed first and be more popular.

b. Social Comparison Theory - This is a good one. People love to compare each other.  By doing this comparison thing, the self esteem is lower and we feel worse about ourselves. I remember this when I was in high school. I grew up on a farm and so wanted to be one of the kids who lived in a development because I viewed them as cool. I wanted to buy my clothes at 'the mall' instead of K-Mart. Boy! I was nuts! But we do this as adults too. I see people who try to be like others so much that they lose their own identity.

c. Classical Projection - With this one, if you feel one way about something you tend to feel others are the same. A good example of this is trust. If you lack trust in yourself, you won't trust anyone. If you can't be truthful to yourself, others won't be truthful to you. Make sense?  So if you're one of those angry people, you're essentially going to make others around you the same way.

d. Ego Threat - Threatened self esteem can drive anger. When this happens people feel bad about themselves and your self worth goes right in the toilet.

Heflick closes his article by saying, "Insecurity over ourselves drives much of the cruelty in the world."
(source: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-big-questions/201306/why-are-people-mean-part-1)

Honestly, I don't hang around people who are mean and don't tolerate in my life. Heflick is correct when he said it is an insecurity that drives cruelty. So many times I've experienced this. A good example is someone who I called my best friend. We were friends from years. While I was learning yoga, losing weight, and bettering my life, the more this person got negative and nasty. I didn't like being around them solely because of the negativity. It got to the point where I told this person I loved them but can't be around the negativity any longer. After reading the article, it was an insecurity because this person had a hard time losing weight, didn't like doing any form of exercise, smoked, and was unhappy with their life. Here's my question: if something makes you unhappy or makes you feel insecure, why not fix it?

Like I've said before, life is a gift that, like a fine wine, should be enjoyed. If you're unhappy about your life, do something about it but don't take it out on others. If you lack trust, figure out why. If you can't tell the truth, think about how a lie hurts. All the mean folks in the world need to take some time and feel happy about just being you. You can be angry or upset but just don't allow it to dictate your life. It causes so many health issues that can be avoided just by being happy.

So to answer the question: do mean people really suck? I can't say yes or not but it is avoidable. Don't live with it and don't allow others to bring it into your life.